


Soul Claims What The Soul Wants

by squishypeaches



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Domestic Fluff, Grab a tissue, Heavy Angst, M/M, Soulmate-Identifying Marks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-08
Updated: 2019-04-08
Packaged: 2020-01-06 13:15:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 23,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18389168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/squishypeaches/pseuds/squishypeaches
Summary: They say what you feel when you are with your soulmate is the strongest demonstration of love. Sehun doesn't know, he and Minseok aren't soulmates after all.





	Soul Claims What The Soul Wants

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to thank SEXIUniverse admins for bearing with me through the whole writing progress. You're amazing and helped me a lot with what became the longest fanfic i've ever written.
> 
> And thank you to the prompter too, I can't say i had fun, more like I cried a whole river writing this but as soon as I saw the prompt I knew I had to claim it. I hope I did it justice!
> 
> I'm two weeks late so, no proofread ><

 

It was almost 7pm when the front door cracked open revealing a shivering Minseok. Sehun had been reading for a while now, spent the day mostly slouched on the couch trying not to think about his shift starting in an hour and the fact his boyfriend hadn't text him he was going to be late.

Rain had poured down all day, so it wasn't a surprise when Minseok fell on the couch beside him with his hair wet and stuck to his forehead trying to steal Sehun a kiss. Sehun moved away smirking.

"Go dry your clothes first." He said, eyes never leaving the book, but he could see Minseok's grimace anyway.

"Boring."

Sehun flipped a page, nonchalantly.

Minseok quickly got up and walked out of their small living room directed to the bathroom, throwing his shirt on the floor on the way just to annoy Sehun and changing his mind two seconds later when he went back to pick it up and fold it accurately.

Sehun snickered. Minseok was so hopeless and Sehun might just be hopelessly in love with him.

When Minseok came back with a towel around his shoulders and a new fresh pajama, Sehun decided to close his book and stretch a bit welcoming the view of his 4-years-older boyfriend looking fine as hell in a teddy bear baby blue print. That was just how beautiful Minseok was, so handsome sometimes Sehun forgot to breathe.

"The landlord came this morning, rent is up and it's your time to pay."

Minseok scrunched his face, took a bottle of water from the fridge, hummed a quick response before chugging down the whole thing.

"The landlord can go fuck himself, I need to replace the oil filter on my car this month and we absolutely need to buy new pajamas." Minseok pointed at himself. "I can't possibly let anyone know I'm wearing the same pajama Baekhyun saw me bring along during our middle school trip."

The guy finally rejoined his younger mate on the couch, sighing and sitting cross legged like his usual. "And then I'm still paying for my new phone, you need to eat healthier food, we-" Minseok started gesticulating, pulling his hair a bit out of stress. "we can't live off instant ramen and cheap Mexican food."

"I love cheap Mexican food." Sehun said resting his head on the backrest. Minseok looked at him concerned, maybe a bit sad but always fondly.

Sehun hated to see Minseok sad and he had to do anything to keep him smiling, so he reached out to took Minseok's hand on his, squeezing a bit and trying to reassure the older.

"I know." He concluded, a small defeated smile showing on his lips. "I love it too. And I'm really up for cheap Mexican food tonight."

Truth to be told, Minseok was simply perfect. Sehun took his time to watch his every detail, his sharp eyes, cute nose, adorable cheeks. Damn, Sehun was falling in love with him a bit more every day. He knew how Minseok was working his ass off to support them both and of course Sehun helped too, they'd even decided to split the rent since Sehun moved in permanently, but bills were on Minseok's, most of the food too.

Sometimes Sehun wondered why Minseok was willing to give up so much for him.

_It wasn't like they were..._

Sehun shook his head slightly, pushing back the thought.

"We could share. I can give you half of the money for this month."

"Sehun-"

"Don't say no, just listen to me. I'm working a lot these days, I have a decent sum saved and.."

"Sehun."

"I wanna help you Seok, please let me."

"Okay."

Sehun's eyebrows shot up in surprise. The older had always argued when Sehun tried to land him money.

"Okay?"

"Okay. You're my boyfriend, what's mine is yours. You can help me and I can take care of you. We can- we can help each other."

Sehun felt butterflies flutter in his tummy. Minseok... God, Minseok was so sincere, with those eyes piercing through him and showing just how much he loved him. Minseok loved him.

_Minseok loves you. Minseok loves you._

_And you love Minseok._

_But..._

"So, I'm still waiting for my kiss." The older boy fake-whined pursing his lips.

This time Sehun didn't back off, letting his boyfriend peck him twice on the lips and resting a hands on his shoulder to bring him closer.

"I love you." Minseok whispered, and it was so simple, so easy to say. He didn't flinch, didn't stutter.

"I love you too." Came Sehun reply. A sincere reply, because damn yes, he loved Minseok so much.

_But still..._

Sehun grabbed a handful of Minseok's pajama and pulled him closer for another kiss, one more heated, sloppy but still sweet. Their mouths collided together in a familiar rush, Minseok biting down his lover's lips, Sehun moaning softly into the other's mouth.

When Sehun's heart calmed down a bit, his cheeks still a dark shade of pink and his lips swollen and shiny, he pushed his nose into Minseok's neck nuzzling his shoulder and letting every bad thought leave his mind.

"You still up for cheap Mexican food?" He asked leaving a small kiss on the crook of his neck.

Minseok sighed contentedly, rubbing his cheek on Sehun's head to seek some contact and affection.

"I wanna kiss you more." He cupped Sehun's face, pecked his chin, nose, eyes, rested their foreheads together, smiling through every actions. And then Minseok kissed him again, hard and rough, hands going down to caress his neck, chest, lips sucking, leaving tiny marks where he knew they won't be visible under the uniform. Sehun whimpered a little, shifted his weight to let Minseok straddle him and get an easier access to his body. Heat hit him immediately and Minseok hands sneaking under his shirt wasn't helping at all, nor the guy starting to grind down on him, locking their lips together once again.

Sehun had to use all his willpower to stop his boyfriend.

"Hyung.."

"Hm?" Minseok rolled his hips gripping Sehun's shoulders. His eyes had turned dark and lustful, almost feline.

"Not now"

Minseok stilled, face dropping and tongue coming out to lick at his lips. Sehun was so close to just screw everything and indulge his boyfriend, but he couldn't, so he swallowed down the need to feel Minseok's hands on him and pushed the older off of him.

Minseok was looking at him a bit confused, a lot disappointed.

"I'm doing the night shift today. Need to be at work in half an hour."

"Again? This is the third time this week." Now Minseok looked more worried than disappointed. He took Sehun's hand and kissed his knuckles softly, pressing the back of it against his cheek. "Please don't overwork yourself babe."

For a moment Sehun thought his boyfriend had closed his eyes, savoring the moment of affection, but then he saw Minseok lowering his gaze on the same hand he had just kissed. Panic rushed  through his body. That only thought he was so desperately trying to avoid knocked on his mind but Sehun was quick to discard it, retrieving his hands and escaping Minseok's embrace and his concerned stare. The last thing he needed was giving him a reason to bring back _the talk_.

"I have to. I'm running for that promotion, remember? We need that, I could help you more then."

Minseok hesitated for a second, like he wasn't sure if he should say something or not, but in the end he opted for the latter as he only sighed and gifted the younger with a kind smile.

"It's just," He hesitated again. Sehun could read him so easily, the way he seemed to weight every word in his head, how he was struggling inside to express his feeling but not wanting to hurt Sehun. He could see all that in the span of a second. And then, there he was, choosing the easy way again. Probably making up something at the very last. "it's just that I thought we could have some fun tonight. It's been a while."

Sehun knew there was a lot more, but he had always been grateful to Minseok for knowing when he wasn't in the mood. He gave him the back, feeling a little overwhelmed.

Sometimes he felt selfish, not worthy of Minseok's love. Sometimes he believed he shouldn't waste Minseok time, his potential, shouldn't hold him back when everything Sehun could give him was a common, ordinary life. Sometimes he felt like they didn't belong to each other and no matter how much he loved Minseok, no matter how much Minseok loved him... the names on their fingers were a heavy reminder of how they weren't meant for each other. Of how Minseok had someone out there who probably matched him better, who could love him better. And Sehun, too, was tied with somebody else, a somebody who could be looking for him, waiting for him. Somebody who wouldn't made him feel so miserable for loving someone else's man.

His ring finger started to burn, a strange sensation like a cold fire tickling his skin. Sehun hated it. Some days he felt like cutting the whole finger to stop looking at that name, stop feeling that awful sensation.

Sehun held his breath when he felt strong arms locking around him, a nose pressing on his back, lips tracing his spine. God, Minseok always knew when he needed a distraction. He always knew when Sehun was thinking about _it_ , about _him_.

"Don't be late, love. I'll be waiting for you."

Sehun squeezed his wrists, smiled bitterly.

"I love you Minseok."

And it was true, he never lied about loving his boyfriend.

"I love you too silly boy."

His finger was burning again, tickling again. And Sehun thought that something must be really wrong, for he couldn't imagine to love someone else as much as he loved Minseok.

 

 

They met 4 years ago when Sehun was still in college and Minseok had just started a new job in a tech company. Serving tables at Moonlight restaurant was no one's dream job but Sehun had to help his family and they treated him good. Tips were generous and some clients were hilarious when they got drunk at the counter talking about their private life like Sehun was their psychologist. Minseok came to the restaurant one night with a fancy suit and hair styled accurately, his eyes sharp and bright and an excellent taste in wine. He looked stunning, charismatic. Enough so that Sehun felt the need to buy him a drink when, about an hour later, no one had still claimed the chair in front of him.

Sehun never asked who Minseok was waiting for that night, he didn't want to know whether Minseok had tried to reach to his soulmate. Their one night stand eventually turned into a date, which turned into five dates and at their sixth Minseok suggested to see each other on a regular basis. No one ever said a word about a real relationship, not when the both of them knew they weren't made for each other. Not when they had spent an entire afternoon studying Minseok's Chinese symbols on his finger, making up stories on his mysterious match. Not when Sehun had bragged about how his soulmate was a Korean and they could have even met already. Those were the times when talking about soulmates wouldn't bring suffering, nor sadness. When Sehun didn't know what love was and Minseok wasn't thinking of moving out from his parents'.

Though, they stuck together for quite a while, because it felt comfortable to be in each other's presence, because sex was great and Sehun's house a bit crowded to spend the entire day.

It started as a more affectionate kiss on Sehun's shoulder, an uneasy feeling at the pit of the stomach Sehun really didn't want to acknowledge as jealousy, Minseok renting a new flat and asking the younger to stay the night three days in a row. It really started when Minseok couldn't hold back the 'I love you' escaping his lips on that one night, when his mind could only focus on Sehun's body pressing against his, on the mouth devouring his neck, the hands grasping and scratching his back, holding him close. He could only hear Sehun's moans, could only see the sweat trailing down his chest, his lips swollen and parted and a small red bite barely visible at the corner.

And when Minseok realized he wasn't only chasing a release but he wished to spend more and more time with the boy, when Sehun learnt why making love was so different from sex... oh. That's where they knew they were screwed.

 

Day by day they only grew more attached to each other. Minseok never letting a day go without saying how much he loved Sehun, the latter moving small pieces of his life into Minseok's apartment every time he had the chance.

But deep inside Sehun knew they weren't really fine. Yes, they loved each other, they really did. But was love enough? Could he spend a lifetime seeing Minseok glancing at his finger and never know if his boyfriend had sometimes regretted his decision? Could he really bear the weight of his own unanswered questions?

Why had he fallen in love with Minseok if he wasn't his soulmate? Could he really love someone more than him? What if his real soulmate was looking for him? Would thinking about those things make Sehun a bad person? An awful boyfriend? And most of all, what if he or Minseok were to meet their real soulmate one day, would something happen?

Sometimes it was hard to even look at Minseok, sometimes Minseok was all he had to look at to feel better.

Of one thing he was sure, never a second spent with Minseok felt wasted. Loving your non-soulmate boyfriend wasn't wrong.

But it also wasn't easy.

Because at the end of the day Minseok still wasn't his soulmate, still could leave him any moment for his actual mysterious chinese match. And Sehun's head was still full of _what ifs_ , he still asked himself what was like to be with a soulmate.

 

They were happy, they loved each other.

But at the end of the day the name engraved on their fingers wasn't the one they wished it was.

 

 

"Sehun!"

Sehun snapped out his thoughts and almost dropped the plates in his hands. He saw his boss glance at him from a few tables away earning a scolding look for taking one minute too long to bring the food to its owners. Sehun bowed in apologize and rushed through the hall looking for table 21. He wasn't feeling great, his finger wouldn't stop burning and his mind was too clouded with pictures of Minseok and another guy with no face, but Soonkyu wasn't really biased and he needed that promotion, so he swallowed all his worries and wore his brightest smile.

"Good evening madam, sir" Sehun could see his boss still looking at him, probably judging if he really deserved that raise. She wasn't mean, just really passionate on her job. "here we have your lasagna and the medium rear steak. Hope you enjoy your food."

He poured another glass of wine each, bowed again and proceeded to go back in the kitchen to collect a new order. Soonkyu nodded from afar, a thumb raised and a satisfied grin on her lips.

The kitchen was always a mess, people screaming orders, flames and smoke flying out the pots, young students running from side to side with dirty dishes trying to earn a few cash to pay their studies. Sehun had started like that too, washing dishes for a few bucks a week, worked hard enough to be moved in the great hall as a waiter. Hopefully, in a few weeks he could be the new receptionist and head waiter, as well as Soonkyu's right hand man.

"Sehun! Table three has yet to order!"

Sehun rushed out once again, hands searching for his notepad inside the apron and scribbling a quick "3" before faking his usual smile and introducing himself to the new clients, a couple, again. He delivered the order and grabbed a bread basket along with the expensive champagne they had requested. He was grateful for the busy night, less time to think even though he still found himself spacing out sometimes while grabbing new plates or checking the right bottle to pick up from the storage.

When he got back to the table, the couple was holding each other's hands at the top of the cloth, something Sehun had got used to see a lot during his nights at the restaurant, something he learnt to pretend it wasn't happening just for the sake of the clients' privacy. He smiled at the couple and opened the bottle ready to pour the expensive liquid inside their flutes. Something between their hands caught Sehun's attention, a little spark the boy assumed was from a ring and he dared to glance at that spark out of pure curiosity.

He immediately regretted.

There, in between their crossed fingers, a red mark was shining almost white-hot. A name, two names actually, on both their hands and it was painfully beautiful to see, like their hands knew they belonged to each other, like they could feel how much they loved each other, how they were perfectly fitting, the right deserved resonation. They were soulmates, and Sehun couldn't help but feel a weight on his chest pulling him down, making him lose grip on the bottle of champagne.

And then everything happened too fast: the bottle fell on the table knocking down a half full glass which tumbled on the client's plate wetting him, the cloth and the floor, a fork had dropped when the man had stood up in surprise and Sehun couldn't seem to move his body to do something, anything.

His head was spinning. The couple was happy, in love, cute, they fitted so damn well together, just looking at the way they smiled at each other made it clear how they wouldn't ever love anyone else. Minseok's face appeared in front of his eyes, teary and angry, hands clasped together with someone he did not recognize. Minseok was holding some other guy's hand and Sehun just _knew_ who they were.

_But I love you. But you're not them._

Sometimes he felt hopeless.

"I am so sorry Sir, so soo sorry. I don't know how it could happen. Here, let me help you."

Soonkyu had pushed Sehun aside handing a towel towards the client, bowing and apologizing multiple times. Sehun still couldn't move, frozen in his spot and wishing Minseok could run there to help him, to hug him, kiss him better, to tell him everything would be alright, that he didn't care about stupid names on stupid fingers, that he loved him and that was all it really mattered.

But honestly, Minseok didn't actually care about names and soulmates, he had never once made Sehun felt wrong, but Sehun couldn't ignore the feeling when his finger burnt every day for someone he didn't even meet, knowing Minseok probably felt the same for another stranger, for someone who wasn't him. The future scared him as hell, Minseok changing his mind, Sehun himself finding his own soulmate and then... what? All those years spent together.

Sehun couldn't let it happen.

"I'm- really sorry, Sir." Sehun mumbled as soon as he recollected himself.

"Sometime it can happen, don't be too harsh on yourself." The client replied sincerely, with a gentle smile that reassured Sehun a lot.

Soonkyu still looked pissed but he could deal with her later. He helped the man and got him a new glass and wine on the house. The couple didn't hold hands again that night.

Somehow, Sehun was grateful for that.

 

When his shift ended, Sehun was tired and sleepy, he still had a good 20 minutes ride home so he quickly collected his items and walked past the boss office trying to avoid Soonkyu like plague.

"Sehun, wait."

And of course he failed.

"Come inside a moment."

Her voice was a little muffled through the walls but he knew he couldn't pretend he hadn't heard it. He went back and knocked politely at the door before entering the small office at the back of the changing rooms.

"Hi boss."

"Hi Sehun."

Soonkyu had a pair of huge glasses on the tip of her nose, her hands crossed under her chin and lips pursed in disapproval. She still looked kinda cute, reason why Sehun was still able to breathe and hope the incident of that evening didn't compromise his run for the promotion.

"Please sit." She said after a moment.

"I'd rather stay here, if you don't mind."

Soonkyu shrugged and glanced at something on her notebook.

Sehun lowered his head waiting for his boss to say something, to scold him even, but the silence was making him nervous and Soonkyu had started tapping her fingers on the desk almost like she was waiting for him to talk first. Sehun bit his lip, suddenly bowing again and trying to break the silence.

"I'm sorry for the incident. I promise it won't happen again."

Soonkyu sighed and closed her eyes.

"It's fine, Sehun. I'm not mad, it's just..." She sighed again, heavy and tired. "You know I like you Sehun. And I am really grateful to whoever works here, this restaurant would be nothing without you all. But you seem a little off these days and I can't help but think that maybe you need a break."

A break was, indeed, what Sehun needed. Some time for himself just staying in bed all day and asking for cuddles between naps, maybe a hot chocolate and a dramatic movie to cry out his stress. But time off would mean being around Minseok all day, having way too much time to think, to analyze, to notice all the wrongs in their life. No, he could not allow it.

"I'm fine. Just need to sleep."

Soonkyu was staring with a concerned expression, her brows knitted together making her look funny, beside the situation.

"Just, please, be careful. Okay? Ryeowook is working hard, he's the reincarnation of the sun and everybody loves him. Do it for yourself, if you really want that promotion, take care of yourself first or you won't be able to catch up with him."

Sehun nodded and a feeling of warmth run through his body. Soonkyu had all the reason to choose Ryeowook over him, God she even had a reason to fire Sehun right away and still she was helping so much. He was grateful and he swore he would put all his effort to snatch that promotion.

"Ah! One last thing" Sehun was almost halfway out of the room when Soonkyu called him again. She was now sporting a smile, touching her lips sincerely curious. "How is your partner doing? Is it fine between you two?"

It was hard to talk when his throat felt like a knot, when his chest would start heave on its own just by thinking about Minseok.

"We're doing fine." Was it true? It really was, but his head pulsed the same.

"You look so cute together."

Sehun barely showed a smile. "Thank you. I love him a lot"

And again, it was true, but his heart clenched a bit.

 

When he got home, lights were all down, TV still on and Minseok had fallen asleep on the couch, just a thin blanket to keep him warm. His bangs were falling on his face, he looked so relaxed and peaceful Sehun had to stop and stare for a moment, feeling his fingers ache for the need to touch his hair, cheek, lips... He wished it was easier, he wished he was stronger just like Minseok who seemed to live without any thought, who could sleep on the couch so carelessly and sure that the next day he would still be with Sehun, would still love him.

Sehun choked on air feeling guilty and selfish for not being able to only focus on Minseok, for being so afraid to lose him, to love him even. He was so weak, Sehun didn't deserve that boy and maybe that was just another sign, the world telling Sehun he should stop holding Minseok back, because the only person who deserved him was the same whose name had been engraved on Minseok's own hand. That person Sehun could not be.

The younger took a long break, a step forward and almost left Minseok sleep on the couch alone. He wasn't feeling worthy to share the bed with his lover, but then as soon as he turned to go back in their room a soft voice called him.

"Babe, you're back."

And there he was, Kim Minseok, the only person able to lift Sehun's mood with just a word, yawning still half asleep and licking his lips in the cutest way an almost 30 years old guy could do. Minseok had always been a clingy sleeper, always kept Sehun warm at night. Sehun was speechless, he was feeling better only by seeing Minseok looking back and suddenly nothing was more important than joining his boyfriend on the couch and ask him to play with his hair till he fell asleep.

"Uh? Stop staring like you want to eat me. It's too late to get me hard kid."

And that was what Sehun loved the most about Minseok, how he was always able to make him forget how miserable he felt, the way he would make Sehun smile even though the world seemed to be crashing on his shoulders.

"Come here, let's sleep here for tonight. I'm too tired to reach the bed anyway."

Minseok patted the little space left on the couch and yawned again closing his eyes for a few seconds. He looked so tired Sehun had no heart to refuse, not that he really wanted, so he took off the jacket and joined the older guy on the couch, still fully clothed.

"How was work?"

Minseok asked with his eyes still closed. Sehun knew he was probably only half listening, a part of him already floating in dreamland, but that was their routine, Minseok would always ask, Sehun would always answer.

"Fine, I guess. I accidentally made a full glass topple over a client."

Minseok's shoulders shook a bit, he snickered probably delighted with the picture of a very messy Sehun spilling water, but he didn't comment. He did instead sneak an arm around Sehun's chest and held him closer, caressing his neck with the tip of the nose in the most reassuring way. Sehun relaxed in no time, felt his limbs releasing the tension, his breath following a regular pace.

He had never liked to talk about _that_ , not with Minseok or when he knew the subject would sadden them both, but at the same time Sehun was tired to always carry the weight alone, to pretend he didn't care when the name on his ring finger suddenly burnt in the middle of a crowded street and no matter how tight Minseok held his hand, his finger would have never burnt for Minseok. But Minseok's breath on his skin was soft and warm, his hand firm but caring while rubbing circles on Sehun's belly, right under the hem of his shirt, the silence welcoming those words he needed to let go to finally escape that suffocating sensation. Minseok needed to know, because he was the only one who really understood how Sehun was feeling.

"They were soulmates." Sehun whispered in the silence.

Minseok grabbed his hip a bit too tight, sucked in his breath. They stayed still for a few seconds, then the older released the air in his lungs and moved a little closer to his lover, slipped a leg between his, kissed his shoulder. Played cool.

 "Huh? Nice."

The blanket was suddenly thrown over them, Sehun almost whimpered at the warmth, clutched at Minseok's hand on his stomach, caressing its back slowly. He could do this, Minseok was telling him to go on, that they could handle it, fight it, win it. And Sehun felt a few butterflies swoop inside him, his lips stretching in a small grin.

"They looked happy." He said again, playing with Minseok's fingers and hesitating on the boy's mark. It felt funny under his index, just like his own, a bit rougher but almost addicting to touch, like a tattoo. He interviewed their fingers together, letting the two names touch in a bold move.

They were stronger than some silly names. Love was stronger.

Minseok moved their tangled hands up to Sehun's lips, letting the younger kiss them.

"We're happy too." He said then and Sehun wriggled on the tiny couch to turn and face the boy with questioning eyes.

"Are we?"

And he knew, he knew they really were, but the guilt was too overwhelming sometimes and he wanted Minseok to be sure about his choice.

"Aren't you?"

Sehun immediately nodded. "I am."

"And so am I."

Minseok was always so sincere, so calm and trustworthy. Even in that moment, with sleepy eyes and a small smile tugging at his lips, he looked safe, the best place for Sehun to find peace. He was so grateful, so in love.

Sehun pecked Minseok's forehead, then his nose, his mouth.

"Goodnight babe." The elder mouthed on the last kiss, before shutting his eyes and resting his head on Sehun's chest for the night.

"Goodnight love."

Sometimes Sehun couldn't figure out why he felt so threatened with a name when Minseok was right by his side.

 

 

Sehun was wiping on some glasses behind the bar counter when a hum caught his attention.

"Hey babe."

He choked on air, the glass trembling in his hands. Minseok rarely went out during week days, let alone to visit Sehun at work, so seeing his boyfriend taking a sit on one of the bar's stools with his work suit still on and a tired look on his face was more than surprising.

Sehun looked around to see if his boss was in sight then quickly leaned over the counter to peck Minseok on the lips

"What are you doing here?"

Minseok sighed long (too long) and raised a hand pointing at his back without even bothering to turn. A small group of people were crowding a large table with wine on their hands and big cheers. Sehun recognized a couple of Minseok's friends and workmates among them.

"A gathering? On a week day?" Sehun asked skeptical.

"Baekhyun got himself a boyfriend." The elder dismissed casually and, really, Minseok never lied, never hid anything to Sehun, so he totally should have seen it coming from the guy's vague reply. He was familiar with Byun Baekhyun, Minseok and him had been friends for longer than they had worked together, and never once in his life Sehun had seen him so bright and glowing. Just a glance at the man behind Baekhyun, the cute way he had to bend to do a love shot with his new found partner, how he wouldn't take his eyes off of him for a second.. everything seemed so clear.

Sehun caught that typical spark between them, just a tiny light only visible when the neon hit it in the right angle and the boy was sure about it.

"Oh..."

Minseok chuckled, not really amused. "Ah yeah, did I mention they're soulmates?"

Sehun didn't answer that, his hands had stopped working already, he felt his body stilling on the spot.

Another happy couple. Once again, soulmates.

Minseok was tracing the line of some coffee spot on the counter, trying not to give much credit to the conversation, but Sehun knew he was just as nervous as him. Those were the times Sehun found harder to deal with their status, when Minseok started to break too and Sehun was left breathless in his worries.

"I'll get you a drink. It's on the house." He said seeing Minseok smile at the weak attempt to raise his mood.

A shot glass was placed on the counter, Sehun took out a bottle of whiskey from the bottom cupboard and filled the glass up the brim.

Minseok raised an eyebrow. "I'm afraid that's too much alcohol for me. I have to drive later."

Sehun wasn't even listening, he made a grimace, his stomach churning at the alcohol smell and downed the whole shot in one go, then wiped his lips with his uniform sleeve. "That was for me." Another small glass was filled with a clear liquid and pushed towards the older. "Soju. I'm not so irresponsible."

Minseok accepted the glass and tsked. "You are. Now I have to drive you back."

Silence fell for a few moments, Sehun still gripping on his now empty glass and mind fogged with unpleasant scenarios of no one bringing him or Minseok out to celebrate their relationship, they weren't nothing special, just another boring couple.

He was so lost in his thoughts he didn't realize his boyfriend had reached for his hand and was now touching it, hesitant, a bit too cold.

"Are you thinking about _Junmyeon_?"

Sehun felt all the blood drain from his body, his head started to spin, and the grip on the small glass was so strong he was afraid it could break anytime.

That name, how...  how could he say it so easily in front of him? Never once in his life Sehun had the courage to pronounce it aloud and Minseok was looking at him like he hadn't just spoke Sehun's deepest trouble out.

His finger immediately started tingling responding to its owner's name. Urgh, annoying, Sehun hated that connection that made him react to everything related with that person, he hated his finger for burning just at the thought, hated the way he had to rub his hands together to stop feeling that fuzziness. Most of all, he hated that Minseok had brought it out.

"I am not thinking about him." He said in a low tone, almost growling out those words in spite. "I don't know him, I don't think about people I don't care for."

Minseok lowered his head, almost guilty. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to... I'm sorry, really am."

And he truly was, Sehun could see his tired face, dark shades under his eyes, that sad smile he forced to hide how much Minseok was trying to be strong too.

And just because he was stronger, it didn't mean it wasn't hard for Minseok too. They were on the same boat, after all.

Sehun sighed deeply.

"Will you stay till my turn is over? I can't drive anyway now and if Soonkyu finds out I'm drinking on work hours I'm fired. I need you to cover me."

"Of course I'll stay. We can go back tomorrow to pick up your car."

The atmosphere was still heavy, still suffocating. People chatting in the hall had become a white noise compared to the thrumming of Sehun's heart.

He nodded slightly, grabbing another glass to clean. Seriously the worst night to be stuck at the bar. If only he could go back in the kitchen maybe he would have cried a few tears and went back to serve tables but at least he wouldn't had to witness the entire scene of Baekhyun shoving his name-mark in everyone's face.

Someone called Minseok's name from behind, waving his arms and mocking him for being "the usual party pooper". Minseok gestured for another shot of soju which Sehun complied straightaway.

"Cheers." He said before emptying the glass and Sehun really felt like hugging him and kiss him better, reassuring the guy they were okay, still fighting for their love. But really, what could Sehun possibly say or do to make him feel better when he was the first about to burst into tears?

"You can go with them." He said instead, lowering his gaze on the table cloth in his hands.

And Minseok's hand closed again around his, comforting and warm, but Sehun didn't feel sparks or tickles or flames on his ring finger and that small gesture suddenly reminded him of what he feared the most.

"Sehun"

Sehun didn't lift his head.

"Sehun you know I love you, right?"

And again Minseok was trying to ease his worried heart with those words, the ones in which Sehun had always found so much relief. But not that night, that night Minseok's voice quivered, his throat cracked a bit and it came out desperate and sad.

For the first time, Sehun didn't feel right, didn't feel like Minseok truly meant those words.

"Sometimes I feel like you say you love me when things are too hard to fix."

He bit into his lip, scared of his boyfriend's reaction.

But Minseok was quiet, eyes low and tired while letting the words dig inside him. He tried to retreat his hand and Sehun instantly regretted speaking his mind.

"I'm sorry," He whispered. "I love you too."

"It's okay. I know you do."

And then Sehun pulled Minseok's hand (still interviewed with his own) with a bit more strength, making him lose balance and stumble over the counter so he could catch him from the collar and kiss him full on the spot, careless and secure. He didn't even bother to check if Soonkyu was around, he simply didn't care. Only Minseok mattered.

A few whistles were cheering them from Baekhyun's table, Sehun didn't want to break the kiss but he eventually had to if he wanted to keep the job.

He held Minseok's shoulder on each hand, looked him into the eye with tears threatening to escape anytime.

"Don't you think for a moment that I don't mean it when I say I love you, got it? I.. I was being an ass that's all."

"I know." The older replied stroking his cheek in a loving way. Somehow, he still looked defeated. "I'll be waiting for your shift to be over, hm? Gonna congratulate Baekhyun and be back. Give me ten minutes."

Sehun was about to grab his shirt, to hold him back, ask to never leave his side and latch their hands together for the rest of the night, just for reassurance. Hopefully their lips too. But Minseok was smiling in a weird way, the corner of his lips only curving the tiniest bit upward, nothing like his usual genuine gummy smile. And he looked... resigned, worried, just sad. Sehun knew he had fucked up well this time.

He watched his lover making his way through the tables, wondering if he really deserved him, if they weren't just doing a huge mistake.

And then he felt it.

It started as the usual tickle around his finger, little sparks invading his skin just where the name was engraved. Nothing strange, nothing Sehun hadn't already felt in the past. But then the tickle intensified, almost painfully as Sehun rubbed the back of his hand on his apron to try and soothe the now reddish finger. Warm, then hot, burning hot, hot and unbearable. The name on the skin seemed a little brighter, almost glittering under the neon light, nothing like the usual pale pink color. And it burnt so bad. He felt little pricks stinging his whole hand like they were trying to alert Sehun that something was about to happen, his senses had never been that aware, Sehun had never felt like that in his entire life. It was scaring, uncertain.. and somehow thrilling. A shiver run down his spine, his finger still boiling dangerously and no one around him seemed to notice what was going on.

For a moment everything disappeared, people chatting, the sharp sound of glasses clinking together, even Minseok..

"Minseok!?" Sehun shout-whispered, furiously searching for the boy. His sight was blurred, his breath heavy, but still he didn't hate that sensation, almost like he knew there was something more to discover, something else to feel.

And suddenly everything went back to normal, the room regained its shape and color, the music, the annoying noise of people crowding the place. It took a few seconds to Sehun to realize someone was touching his arm, soft and caring, stroking the skin down to his burning finger and up to his elbow, a sweet and relaxing touch that immediately calmed Sehun down.

"I'm here. Is everything okay?"

Minseok was looking at him with a worried expression. Sehun was able to breathe again, his finger also stopped aching.

Inside his head, Sehun heard the sound of a door closing, the picture of a finger sparkling and throbbing just like his, closing that same door.

His head snapped towards the entrance but he didn't see anything, or anyone.

"Sehun? Babe?'

The warmness of Minseok's hand squeezing around his wrist brought Sehun back to real life. He blinked a couple of times and nodded.

"I'm fine."

Minseok wasn't convinced but he didn't question further.

Sehun tried to busy himself for the rest of the night, he didn't want to think about what happened, didn't want to know what it was to begin with. He felt it inside he wouldn't be able to handle it, too much and too sudden. A name popped up in his mind a few times but he was quick to discard the thought. Still the feeling was lingering in his hand, a little buzz reminding him of the bliss, the energy filling the air. It still felt like something familiar, something fated.

"Are you sure you're not drunk?"

Minseok chuckled covering Sehun's hand with his, he had obviously sensed something. But still when the younger raised his head, he came across the most beautiful sight. Minseok was genuinely laughing, his gums showing in that way that made Sehun's stomach flip and his heart clench and no, his finger wasn't burning anymore but his cheeks surely were.

It didn't feel fated, but it felt like home.

 

 

Minseok kept him close during the night, his nose bumping on Sehun's neck on purpose and whispering sweet nothings in between his hair. Sehun's heart was beating incredibly fast, so fast he almost forgot about the uneasy feeling in his chest.

 

 

Water run down his shoulders, chest, back, dripping from his hair and steaming at his feet.

His muscles relaxed, his head rolled back in automatic, breathing out his tiredness.

He had been called in at work again for the night and honestly Sehun was just tired, tired of staying up till 2am every day and slip in bed next to an already sleeping Minseok and tired of waking up late in the morning and missing Minseok's early hours before work.

But he was so close to be promoted and life would be easier after that. He knew it was temporary but lately his mind had started questioning if he had made the right choice, if it was really worth the struggle at that point. Minseok was always whining about how much he missed him, Sehun didn't want to give him another reason not to believe in their relationship. Because at the end of the day all his worries revolved around that.

Sehun exhaled deeply, eyes closed and a heavy grip on his heart. Droplets fell down his chin, the hot water burning his skin enough that he wasn't feeling the light tingle in his finger. The last days had been a nightmare, the warm tickle a constant companion through every hour, and obviously Minseok had noticed, and obviously they had discussed about it with Sehun being the usual insufferable cynic and Minseok getting mad because why was he even wasting his time. And no matter how Minseok had apologize right away, no matter how sweet his kisses were and how good the make up sex had made him feel, his finger wouldn't stop tingling and Sehun could sense the heavy pressure in the air around them.

The shower door cracked behind him, followed by a light cheering hum making its way inside the cubicle. Sehun felt two arms snuck around his waist and pressing him against a familiar toned body. Minseok was back home and Sehun's heart fluttered in delight.

" _You were working as a waiter in a cocktail bar, when I met you~_ "

Minseok hummed against his shoulder, smiling proudly for how much the lyrics matched their past. His hands caressed him tummy, travelling up his chest and brushing over a nipple.

Useless to say how Sehun's body instantly reacted.

"You're home." He whispered almost breathless. Minseok was leaving kisses all over his neck, rubbing his nose and biting down Sehun's shoulders while still humming on the song. He didn't reply. Fingers lightly scratched his sides, squeezing his hip and roaming up and down his stomach and then only down, down to his groin but not down enough where Sehun knew he wanted. Playful Minseok, teasing Minseok, horny Minseok. Any kind of Minseok was his favorite.

It was incredible how good Minseok was able to handle him despite their height difference, Sehun loved the way he was pulling his hair a bit, exposing his neck and standing on his toes to suck a mark at the base. Every hum escaping his lips, every vibration, breath, whisper mumbled on his body were driving Sehun crazy.

" _Don't you want me baby_ "

Minseok's hands pressed against his ribcage, smoothing his skin, lips oh-so-close to his ear still following the song's tune and... damn, their bodies were so close, so glued together it was impossible for Sehun not to feel Minseok's erection poking at the back of his thigh. Sehun closed his eyes, growling out a satisfied moan.

"You're horny."

A statement more than a question, and once again Minseok didn't answer, only latching his lips on Sehun's neck and grinding a bit against his butt.

" _I am always~ Oo~hh_ " A hand finally slid down his front and palmed Sehun through the hot water still pouring, raw and a bit sloppy, but Sehun was feeling in heaven. Minseok was gentle, only teasing and stroking with slow movements, gripping on his lover's hip with his free hand, thrusting up the crack of his buttocks and caging Sehun in between his cock and his hand.

Sehun had to look for something to hold, a handle, the wall, anything that could help him from falling, his legs a moment away from giving up from how much he was trembling in pleasure. He found Minseok's hair, in the end, gripped the strands forcefully, pulling Minseok closer to kiss him more, suck him more, lick him more. More. He wanted more.

And Minseok was still humming that annoying song, still denying Sehun a word when he bit down his shoulder hard and Sehun's mouth flung open, hips jerking up to seek more friction inside Minseok's hand.

He was fully hard, desperate, aching for his release and Minseok was beautiful and apparently unbothered by the way he was simply rutting on his back only a little short-breathed.

Sehun was about to plea him to move faster, touch him more when he felt Minseok's hair slip from his fingers and the hand jerking him off sliding down his thighs and knees painfully slow.

" _Don't you want me baby_ " Minseok sung again, breathing over his lower back, kissing the spot, licking up his spine a bit. His hands caressed and squeezed Sehun's thighs, his ass, sneaking in between his legs to play with his balls, smudged the few pre-cum pearls off the head of his cock.

"What are you doing?" _Please, don't stop._

Sehun voice was broken with moans and whimpers, he hated to look helpless, but Minseok was feeling amazing against him and his mind was free of worries for once, he knew he was probably late for work but he needed Minseok, he needed his touch and wanted to hear him moan too.

" _I want to suck you oo~ff_ "

And, really, Minseok needed to sing less and lick more, his hands too kind and the strokes too slow to get even close to what Sehun was expecting. The younger pushed back trying to convey the message, feeling Minseok's hands tightening their grip, smoothing down his thighs and leaving his cock painfully hard.

Sehun was about to nag about how he was late for work when he felt his cheeks being spread open, hot water running down the crack followed by a single digit teasing lightly at his entrance. He groaned low and heavy, rested his front and arms on the cold tiles to support his trembling body.

"Don't you dare"

He breathed out and Minseok only squeezed his butt harder and spread it a bit more, a small chuckle vibrating through the cabin. Sure that bastard was enjoying his little play.

And then Minseok's tongue was on him and Sehun had to brace himself and close his eyes when the next moan almost left him breathless. The feeling was overwhelming, Minseok's touch ever so gentle yet so erotic, making his skin shiver in pleasure, his mouth gaping for air.

Sehun had to clench his fists, ass up and grinding against his boyfriend's face, he was feeling in heaven with Minseok's tongue working magic on his hole, his lips teasing, eating, sucking, licking so so good, the tip of his tongue barely sneaking in and stealing another whine from the boy, his nose trailing up and down caressing Sehun right on his most sensitive spot.

God, he was so aroused, literally leaking.

Sehun's legs were weak, a little wobbling when he shifted to support his whole body on a single arm, reaching down to grab his own neglected cock, almost crying out of relief at the first touch.

But Minseok apparently didn't like the idea and was quick to clutch at his hips, biting down the soft flesh and sucking particularly hard, enough to make a small mark appear.

"Don't touch yourself."

And really, Sehun was never someone who liked to be commanded, but Minseok' voice was so low, so sexy, he immediately let go, his cock bouncing back on his stomach, throbbing red.

"Turn."

Minseok had his eyes half closed, his fringe sticking to his forehead, lips dark and swollen. Everything about him screamed sex, his flushed chest, flexed muscles, the way his tongue was still hanging halfway out and, oh god, Sehun wanted to kiss him, to taste himself on him.

He pushed Minseok's hair off his eyes, kneeled down to watch him straight and there it was: even in between those sinful moments, Minseok will always look at him with so much love Sehun felt his heart about to burst out. Minseok gifted him a timid smile, lifting a hand to brush his fingers against Sehun's lips and then leaned on to connect their lips. Sehun sighed into the kiss, biting down his lover's lip smirking and clashing their mouths together once again. Oh, his head was spinning, his ring finger still burning but because of the need to touch his boyfriend this time.

"How do you do this to me?" He whined, taking Minseok's hand in his and leaving a kiss on every finger. His knees were starting to ache but Minseok looked comfortable on the floor and he wanted to stay as close as possible to the only man who was able to make his heart race and his mind go numb. Every concern suddenly disappeared, the only important thing to care for was how Minseok was staring at him hungrily and how his dick would twitch at their every touch. Sehun's hole clenched seeing just how hard his boyfriend was for him.

Minseok kissed him again, too sweet, too chaste, like he hadn't been eating him out only a couple of minutes before. He smiled pressing their mouths together, let their tongues collide in a wet, hot mess. And right when Sehun thought the moment was over, Minseok was rushing him on his feet with a new found sinful glimpse on his eyes.

"Lean on the wall, I'll let you finish."

Sehun complied, pressing his back on the cabin and spreading his legs open to let Minseok crawl in between. The older once again rubbed his thighs, taking his time to elicit a few more moans out of Sehun, dipping the digits up his waist, then on his groin, sliding the tips down his length with a feather touch.

Minseok was so good Sehun had to refrain from thrusting up and seek the friction he craved.

The first kiss was placed on his inner thigh, then another one on the curve of his leg, at the base of his cock and there Minseok's tongue poked out to lick a string of pure pleasure.

Sehun held his breath, looked down at the blissful picture of his boyfriend's lips closing on the patch of skin around his hard, desperate dick.

Handsome, amazing, caring, bold Minseok.

Sehun cupped his face and tugged it, pushing Minseok's head closer, mewling some praises, some curses, almost begging. And Minseok was only glad to grant all of Sehun's wishes, taking it slow, showering his lover with small kisses, kitty licks up and down his length and finally stopping on the head to give a long suck.

Sehun exhaled, arched his back. His hand was still on Minseok's face, caressing his cheek with his thumb, guiding him through every move. He felt... safe, wonderful. He felt so loved.

Minseok wrapped his hands around Sehun's hips, pushed him on the wall with a bit more strength, his lips sinking down his boyfriend with a little whimper. And, God, he was so skilled, his mouth so warm and welcoming, Sehun had to bite back a choked sound.

The air was thick and heavy with steam, he felt so hot and hopeless, not able to breathe properly as Minseok's mouth was picking up its speed, bobbing his head just at the right pace, hollowing his cheeks and sucking the tip of his cock so, so deliciously. Sehun gasped, moaned, reached out to prevent from falling but Minseok didn't look bothered, he sunk his head another time, almost taking in every inch of Sehun's flesh, his nose brushing on Sehun's happy trail and smirked when he felt the younger twitching inside his mouth.

"Hyung, please, I'm about to collapse." Sehun breathed out, eyes closed and mouth gaping.

And Minseok swallowed hard around him, opening his mouth wide and sliding back till he was sucking at the head only, then pulling completely back and looking at Sehun with a proud glint in his eyes.

Sehun was out of breath and out of words, everything he could really focus on was the string of spit and precum hanging in between Minseok's lower lip and his cock.

"Aren't your knees hurting?" The younger asked truly concerned, but Minseok only licked his lips and smiled kissing Sehun's navel.

"You're hot." His voice was raspy and sore, so damn sexy. "You taste amazing."

He stroked Sehun slowly, catching his breath and jerking him slowly while Sehun was trying hard to hold back his release. _Not yet, not like this_.

A gentle caress on Minseok's face and the guy was back at Sehun's feet again, lips stretching around the younger's pulsating erection, feeling bold and taking it whole at the first bob. His hands were scratching Sehun's hips, thighs, feeling down his body, tugging a few times at the base and easing the boy's dick deeper down his throat. He hummed around it, feeling nice and satisfied with the noises that Sehun let out.

And maybe Sehun was the most beautiful view sprawled out for him in the shower, maybe the water was too hot, the steam too thick for him to think straight, cause the next moment Sehun felt Minseok's hand taking his own and bringing it to his chin, cheek, head. The younger widened his eyes in surprise and looked straight into Minseok's, searching for the briefest sign of discomfort.

"Can..I?"

Minseok blinked once, a gesture they chose together as a safe hint long ago, pressed his tongue flat on the underside of Sehun's length, sucked hard to let him know how serious he was about it.

Sehun urged forward, crying out of pleasure and his fingers instinctively gripped Minseok's hair and tugged him hard, making his boyfriend sink down on him, coughing a bit but never losing eye-contact. It was fine, Minseok was okay and he could take it.

"Damn Seok, you'll be the death of me."

Sehun swiped his thumb on Minseok's lips, watching his cock disappear into his mouth inch by inch, slowly, painfully slow, pulling back to give his boy some space, always careful that Minseok could handle it, could handle _him_. And he was so lost in the moment he nearly hadn't realized how his stomach was starting to constrict, bolts of pleasure running up and down his body, his head light just as his heart felt heavy with so much love. He wouldn't have lasted long.

Minseok took the hint seeing how his lover's hips were shaking badly, he placed a hand on Sehun's thigh to support his tired limbs, keeping a safe distance (he was shy to admit it but Sehun had always been better at this, even though Minseok was a fast learner, he still couldn't go as deeper as he wanted) and squeezing Sehun's hand that was still gripping his hair.

The first thrust came attentive and a bit unsure, Sehun was a mess on his own but he would have never hurt his love. He kept Minseok still, fingers tangling into the hair and holding tight as his hips picked up speed, sliding inside his mouth with irregular thrust, moaning loud, tilting his head back and savoring the way Minseok was taking him in so well, slurping down his length at every thrust.

"Baby, I'm close." Sehun moaned arching off the wall, breathing in all the dirty, indecent noises Minseok was letting out for him and him only. He was so done for it, so close, he only wanted to have his release, paint Minseok's pretty mouth with his load and kiss him deeply to claim him again and again.

Minseok on his part was giving Sehun a hard time, clasping his hips, mewling lasciviously and letting his boyfriend take control. His lips scraped for how long and good Sehun had been fucking them, his throat burning for air, his cock bouncing in between his legs but, oh no, Sehun was everything he needed to take care in that moment.

The younger started to feel it, that warm sensation at the pitch of his stomach building up, making his legs even weaker, his breath short, only Minseok's name on his mind. He was panting heavily, his muscles were burning as he brought his other hand on Minseok, grabbing his strands and pushing hard into his mouth, feeling Minseok putting a light resistance to not choke on the spot but still complying on his boyfriend needs, jerking him off with two fingers and letting Sehun thrust inside both his hand and mouth till completion. A few more tugs and Sehun stilled completely, crying out Minseok's name and spilling inside his mouth, warm seed and warm love.

For a while only the sound of the shower running was heard, Sehun too caught in the moment, seeing stars and feeling his limbs give up on him. Minseok was quick to catch him though, keeping him close and turning the water to cold, afraid Sehun could black out in the hot steam. They stayed like that for a while, whispering sweet words and sharing a few simple kiss.

"You're still hard," Only then Sehun pointed out. "want me to...?"

Minseok kissed his temple, shoving the bangs out of the way.

"I'm fine. You're _very_ late for work now and I'll just have some fun time with myself."

Sehun chuckled pressing the tip of Minseok's nose playfully.

"Will you think about me?" He asked brushing his lips against the older's.

"As always."

They shared another kiss. Sehun felt a bit guilty for leaving his boyfriend hard and aching on the floor, but only then he realized he was really, really late for work.

Sehun helped Minseok on his feet, his knees red and sore, and stumbled out of the shower, running inside their room to collect some clean clothes and his uniform.

"Babe, where's my apron?" He shouted over the noise of the shower still running. Minseok had started humming on the same song again, but Sehun knew he had heard him.

"Under my pillow, it smells of you~" Sing-sung the older, though it was obviously a joke.

"Hyung!"

"Washing machine, you little slob. You're lucky I take care of your load too or that apron would need to be burnt!"

Sehun smiled at himself picking up said apron from the clean pile. "Less nagging, more thinking about me, remember?" He bit back.

Sehun could picture Minseok laughing at the remark, the thought making him flush a little.

"Ah! I almost forgot! I found a letter for you on the mail!"

 He hadn't paid much attention but a simple white envelope was laying on the coffee table in their living room. Sehun went to grab the car keys and picked the envelope as well, turning it back and front to try and guess what it was about. He rarely received letters, let alone personal ones, all the bills and payments were on Minseok's name anyway.

He opened one side without much care, seeing a simple white sheet folded on the inside.

So weird.

As soon as his hand came in contact with the sheet, a spark took over his ring finger making it tremble in a unusual way, almost aching. Sehun felt it in the air, something was definitely off.

He took out the letter gulping down his worries, but that damn finger wouldn't stop shaking and Sehun thanked God Minseok was still inside the shower because he could already tell the sheet didn't bring good news.

Sehun unfolded the letter, his finger seeming to react to that piece of paper like kryptonite, and went through the neat handwriting so quickly he didn't really register what he was reading. But he sure as hell read the name at the bottom of the letter.

His hands lost hold on the paper, his insides clenched uncomfortably, eyes unfocused.

He was trying to regain control on his breath but the room was rotating so fast around him, the artificial lights were too blinding and most of all his body didn't seem to be able to move.

A sharp sound filled his ears, almost like a whistle, everything around him lost its form.

_No, no it couldn't be..._

"Hey! Did you leave without saying goodbye?"

The water was stopped in the bathroom and Sehun panicked, held his breath and crouched quickly to collect the letter before Minseok could see it.

"I'm leaving now!" He answered trying to sound calm.

"Okay, see you later!" He heard Minseok switch the shower on again and let himself take a long sigh.

His fingers brushed the ink on the paper carefully, like it could burn him and, actually, his ring finger was indeed burning as hell.

He bit his lip, scanned the whole letter, reread the name at the bottom letting it sink inside his head.

"Junmyeon."

His whole body trembled at the whisper, he never felt his finger burn so much in such a pleasant way. A single tear escaped his eye.

"Junmyeon."

He repeated, swallowing back more tears.

Then he quickly wiped his face and folded the letter, slipping it inside his pocket where Minseok wouldn't be able to find it.

As he run outside the apartment, Sehun cursed under his breath. On that letter was a phone number and Sehun's fingers were fighting the need to dial it.

 

 

"Yo, what's up?"

The back of the restaurant wasn't really crowded during that time of the year, the weather threatening to freeze you to death even in the small span of time of a break, so Sehun hadn't expected company.

He was sitting on the first step right outside the emergency exit, his fingers trembling for the cold and the anxiety. No matter how bad he was trying to suppress his feelings, in his mind that letter was repeating on loop, loud and intimidating.

Sehun hadn't had the courage to read it again, but it weighted heavy and burdening inside his pocket, shifting every now and then to let Sehun remember about its presence.

"What are you doing here alone?"

Sehun lifted his gaze on the young man standing beside him, two cups of tea in his hands and a tired shadow under his eyes. He hadn't even seen him approach.

During his few years spent working at the restaurant, Sehun never had the chance to really make friends with his work mates, he used to always be busy with his studies and with Minseok after that, but Seo Youngho was a nice guy, someone Sehun liked enough to invite to his birthday party the previous year.

Youngho sat down next to him, holding out a mug for Sehun and inhaling the scent. He looked calm and relaxed, a friendly smile on his lips.

"So? What is it? Kim Ryeowook is giving you a hard time?"

Sehun's grip on the mug tightened, the weight of the letter was dragging him down minute by minute but could he really tell someone when Minseok didn't know anything yet?

Youngho wasn't pushing for an answer, only sipping carefully his tea and sighing deeply welcoming the silence from the boy beside him.

"Soonkyu noona is worried." He said at last.

"Did she send you here?"

Sehun looked inside his mug, the hot liquid was warming his fingers around it and it felt good, it made him feel better for a second.

Youngho shrugged. "Not really, I needed a drink, looked like you needed one too."

"I'm afraid this hasn't enough alcohol to even be close what I really need."

They both laughed at that and the warmness in Sehun's hands spread up his arms and face. He'd always only seen Minseok in his life, Minseok was his everything and everything reminded Sehun of him. He'd only trusted his boyfriend, it was easy to.

But Soonkyu and her nice words, Youngho with a hot cup of tea... yeah, Sehun had Minseok but he didn't only have Minseok. And maybe, just maybe it was fine to reach out for help this time.

Sehun gulped down another sip, waited for the tea to melt the stiff sensation in his jaws.

"You─ you have a soulmate, right?" The word wasn't hard to pronounce as he had expected.

Youngho's eyebrow shot up, taken aback.

"Ah, yes."

"How does it feel? I mean, to be with your soulmate?"

And now Sehun's mouth was speaking in autopilot, letting out every questions, everything he had always tried to suppress.

"It's.. great? I guess. I've only ever been with them anyway."

Sehun scraped a tea spot on the edge of the mug nodding, felt his muscles tensing at the next question he was about to let out.

"Did you know Minseok isn't my soulmate?"

The boy beside him took another sip of tea, swallowing nervously.

"Yeah, I heard of that."

And that it was. Youngho hadn't say anything but the way he tried to avoid Sehun's eyes, the way he was hiding his face into his mug and the tension in his neck were enough to tell. He was pitying him, probably feeling bad for him too.

Youngho pitied him because Minseok wasn't his soulmate and that was wrong. And if it wasn't wrong it still wasn't normal, he still wouldn't be happy.

And, really, at that point Sehun had nothing to lose.

"Junmyeon sent me a letter. Damn, who even sends letter these days when you can just make a call. And Minseok doesn't know."

"Oh."

Youngho seemed confused but didn't dare to say anything.

"Aaah, I think I'm going crazy. What should I do?" Sehun put down his mug, buried his face in his hands and ruffled his own hair. His breath was a bit unsteady, his heart racing fast but he still managed to keep his composure, to not let out any tear. He wanted to be strong, to act like it wasn't a big thing.

He didn't want to be pitied anymore.

They stayed like that for a while, with only the sound of the night breeze blowing through their hair.

A few more minutes and then they had to go back to work.

The night was still calm, still cold.

"Who's Junmyeon?" Youngho finally asked.

There weren't stars in the sky, Sehun felt like there was no hope either.

He breathed in, smiled bitterly.

And somehow managed to let it out.

"He's my soulmate."

 

 

Sehun had a plan.

A week and a half later he had spent enough time snuggling against Minseok's back and chest trying to hold his worries that his boyfriend had started to make questions and Sehun knew it was time. He had everything planned out. He only needed to bring Minseok out for dinner and just drop the bomb like it didn't mean anything. Minseok wouldn't know he had waited that much to tell him and most important, he would have not created a big fuss in public.

What he hadn't planned out was to come back home after work and find his boyfriend sitting at the dining table, shoulders stiff and fists clenched on top of a white long sleeve.

Blood drained from Sehun's face.

He instinctively reached for his pocket, where the letter had been hiding all along, only to find it empty.

Minseok gripped the sheet so hard Sehun could see every vein bulging out his hand. He looked so cold, so mad.

"What the fuck is this?"

The younger patted his pocket again, unable to realize what Minseok was really holding in his hand.

No, no it couldn't be.

"Stop looking for it, I washed your uniform and switched it with the extra one. For how long did you plan to hide it from me, Sehun?"

And Sehun was just speechless, frozen, completely lost. He couldn't move, nor talk. His lungs were burning, his head throbbing, nothing in his mind seemed to make sense. No, no. No.

He had a plan, he was going to tell Minseok but- not like this. This was too soon, Sehun wasn't ready.

"I asked you, what the fuck is this?"

And now Minseok's voice was trembling, his whole body was. His eyes were red, his neck flushed with anger. Sehun was taller but he never felt that small in front of the elder.

Minseok shot up making him jump back in fear, crumpled the letter and threw it on the floor with spite, breathing through his nose and looking at it like the most hideous object.

Sehun was scared, he had never seen Minseok like that, didn't know what to say or do. He had no way out and his legs felt weak and his mind numb and his whole body was so tired of that situation that he felt on the verge of breaking down.

But then Minseok looked at him and started laughing.

Sehun gulped down, that was even scarier.

Minseok was laughing when nothing was really funny and his laugh was desperate, hopeless, breathless. The boy gripped his hair and fell on his knees, his laugh slowly turning into sobs, gasps, his eyes lost focus till he was glancing around terrified scratching the floor and pushing his forehead into it, punching the carpet, heaving and drooling uglily.

Sehun's heart clenched in his chest, a hand on his mouth to stop his own sobs even though his shoulders were hiccupping badly at the sight of his only love wrecking in front of him. It was his fault, Minseok was suffering because of him and he didn't know what to do. Tears were spilling from his eyes, his sight was blurred and the taste of blood was strong on his lips where he had been biting so hard.

"Hyung... please" His voice was so weak, barely audible in between Minseok's wails and he had to do something, he was breaking, and watching Minseok break with him felt like dying.

He left out a whimper and run across the room to crouch down beside Minseok. He took him in his arms, even fight when the boy tried to escape, held him tight against his chest and Minseok was pushing him away, screaming to let him go, both crying out their names in rage and pain, rolling on the floor in a sobbing mess.

Sehun grabbed Minseok's wrists to try and steady him, tears running down their cheeks uncontrollably, cries and screams mixing with the loud noise of their bodies hitting the floor again and again. One moment Minseok was struggling to wriggle out of Sehun's grip and then the elder pressed against his body, holding for dear life and crying his heart out on Sehun's shoulder.

"Please... please."

Sehun braced the boy till his arms ached, blinded with tears, sobbing into Minseok's hair and the more Minseok cried, the stronger he held the boy. His heart was shredded at every word escaping Minseok.

"Please Sehun, please don't leave me."

And Sehun throat was dry and sore and he couldn't form a single word, but Minseok wasn't able to stop.

"Why Sehun? Please, please Sehun. I love you so much, please Sehun don't leave me"

"I won't" He choked in his words.

"Please, Sehun, please."

"Hyung..."

"Sehun I love you so much, please"

"I love you too, I won't leave you."

"Please, please"

"Shht, I love you."

"Sehun.."

"Shht."

The floor was uncomfortable, but no one dared to move, Sehun holding Minseok and Minseok kissing every inch of Sehun's body till their breaths were even again and their heart had slowed down a bit.

Minseok remained silent for a long time, when Sehun eventually led him to bed, when he asked if he was okay and also when Sehun told him he was sorry.

It was hard to fall asleep, Sehun felt his back ache and his head pulsating but he was scared that Minseok would leave the moment he closed his eyes. The boy had let Sehun spoon him, his hand was tracing some invisible lines up Minseok's arms, kissing his nape every now and then, sighing into his scent. He was still scared but as long as his boyfriend wasn't crying and screaming he could bear it.

"There was a number." Minseok said suddenly, breaking the silence.

Sehun nodded against his neck, feeling the tension build up again.

"Did you...?"

"No."

Minseok took his hand, kissed the back of it.

"Do you want to?"

And Sehun had to bite his lips, to refrain his body to jerk away and run out of that room. He would have never been ready for that, he didn't want to lie again.

"It's late now."

"Please don't do it. Please."

Sehun's lips trembled, he wouldn't have lied again but...

"Please" Repeated the elder.

Cold. Everything felt cold.

Sehun snuggled closer to Minseok.

"Let's sleep now."

They both knew the meaning behind those words.

 

 

His hands were aching.

Minseok wasn't around and his hands were aching to just pick up that damn phone and send a text. They hadn't talked about it again and Sehun was glad or his boyfriend would have seen how insecure Sehun felt about the whole thing. He was trapped in a constant, uncomfortable state of pain whenever his eyes landed on Minseok and his body still wanted to reach for the phone and dial that number.

He knew it had nothing to do with Minseok himself, he was perfect, God, he was handsome and sweet and he'd started to make breakfast for Sehun every morning, eating in bed with him, complaining about the coffee spots on the sheets when they got carried away a little too much. Minseok was so caring, attentive, secure. Sometimes Sehun felt like the elder was trying so hard just to make their relationship work, he only wanted to keep Sehun his and it was warming his heart and breaking it at the same time. He wasn't good with words but Minseok didn't have to worry because Sehun only belonged to him and no one was going to change his mind. But as much as his heart was for Minseok to keep, his soul had other plans and no matter how hard he tried to fight, after all soul claimed what the soul wanted.

Sehun slowed down and stopped the treadmill, panting and wiping the sweat from his eyes. The gym wasn't packed at that time of the day and he really needed some hours outside, fresh air or to simply keep his mind busy with anything but Minseok and Junmyeon, even though he failed most of the times.

He took off his earplugs, looked around to decide his next set of exercises and locked eyes with a familiar face across the room.

"Fuck."

Said person put down the two huge dumbbells he was lifting and run towards Sehun with a big smile on his face. Sehun didn't even know his name to begin with.

"Hey! I know you!"

Sehun tried hard not to grimace.

"You're Minseok's man, right? We met at the restaurant, I'm Baekhyun's fiancée, remember me?"

_Man_. He wasn't Minseok's _man_.

"Ah yes, I'm Minseok's boyfriend." He tried to put more emphasis on the last word.

"I really suck with names, do you mind...?"

"Sehun."

He could sense the spite in his words and, honestly, this guy hadn't done anything bad but Sehun couldn't stand the memory of Baekhyun and him glowing and smiling like real happy soulmates do.

His finger started to tingle. Gosh, could this guy just leave him alone? He was already terrible at ignore his own instincts let alone handle another they're-soulmates-and-you're-not drama in his head.

"Right! Sehun, the non-soulmate."

_And here it goes again._

Sehun had to show his ugliest face because the guy (Sehun still didn't know his name nor he was intended to ask) put his hands in front of him and stuttered a bit.

"Ah, I- I didn't mean it like that, sorry."

It hurt, bad. His head was aching, words repeating like a curse in his mind. For once, his finger just felt... dull.

The guy patted his shoulder. "We should work out together sometimes, you know, get to know each other."

At that point Sehun wasn't even listening, his hands clenched tight and his head nodded automatically.

"Sure." Whatever could get him away from that. "Sorry, I have to go now."

Sehun sprinted out the gym and into the changing room, holding his chest and shaking his head hard. He wasn't Minseok's man, he wasn't just a non-soulmate, he... he...

His hand found the phone on his back pocket, buds still plugged in. He quickly put them on and dialed Minseok's number. God knows how much he needed to hear his voice.

_"Babe, what happened?"_

Minseok answered almost immediately, his voice came slightly worried. Sehun never called for no reason, he knew how strict his boyfriend's boss could be.

Reassurance spread across his chest and body, Sehun closed his eyes and pressed the earbuds deeper inside his ear like he could feel closer to Minseok that way.

"I'm not your man, right?"

Silence followed, a moment where Sehun knew his boyfriend had already figured out what was going on but was trying to find the right words to put Sehun's heart at peace.

And he always did, he always managed to make Sehun feel like there were thousands reasons to keep fighting for them.

Minseok lowered his tone, probably to not let his co-workers hear him and whispered _"You're simply everything to me."_

A small chuckle escaped Sehun's lips. He was smiling, in the midst of a breakdown he was smiling and he felt better. And of course he wasn't only Minseok's man, he almost wanted to punch himself for the stupid thought.

"Come back early, I miss you."

_"I'll bring dinner."_

Sehun ended the call with a lighter heart, he knew it wouldn't last forever, but for now he could bare another day if Minseok was beside him.

But despite the ease in his heart, the phone still weighed in his hand.

Sehun gulped, a finger sliding through his contact and there it was, saved with a cross emoji because Sehun didn't want to give it much credit, but it was there and he wasn't proud of it, he wasn't proud of how weak he had been the day he hadn't resisted the need to always carry that number with him.

Sehun glanced around only to found he was alone in the changing room. No one would see.

His finger started burn immediately, the sole thought making it react. Both his hands were trembling, his throat dry and the pleading image of Minseok asking him to not do it still vivid in his head. He couldn't do it, he owed it to Minseok. But...

He didn't register his moves when his eyes landed on a blank text page, that cross emoji displayed next to the receiver box.

He wasn't Minseok's man, he was his boyfriend. He only needed to remember that.

Sehun felt a rush of adrenaline run down his spine, a weird feeling he had only felt once in his life, the same day of Baekhyun's party at the restaurant. It felt both wrong and right, it was exciting, new ad also scary as hell. His finger wouldn't stop burning, buzzing, his heart was thumping loud in his ears.

 

_To: **X**_

_How did you know where I live?_

 

He opted for something simple, careful not to give away how he truly felt about the fact he was actually texting his real soulmate. Not Minseok, his boyfriend. His soulmate.

A small smile spread on his face, he didn't want to smile but, he found he was unable to hide it. It seemed like a huge burden had lifted from his shoulders and the usual burn in his ring finger had dimmed to a pleasant tickle around it. He could feel it, his soul craving for a new connection, looking for its other half, knowing its mate had got closer.

He knew he should have been scared and deep inside he really was, but he simply couldn't stop smiling.

And then the phone vibrated in his hands and Sehun almost dropped it on the floor.

"Shit." He stared and the light on the top of the phone signaling he got a new message. "Oh no. No. What have I done?"

With shaking hands he unlocked the screen and opened the chat box.

 

_From: **X**_

_I saw you at the restaurant where you work._

 

And then another one.

 

_From: **X**_

_I just knew it was you._

_From: **X**_

_I know a friend who works there too and asked for your address._

 

The first instinct Sehun had was to puke, he still couldn't believe it was happening. It didn't feel awkward, but every word was piercing inside him. He knew, Junmyeon knew it was him at first glance. He had always known soulmates had the strongest connection but then how did he never felt the same? And then he remembered that sensation at the restaurant, while Minseok went congratulating Baekhyun and he clearly heard the sound of a door being shut. That night, it was him.

Sehun covered his mouth with a hand, a whimper threatening to escape. He and Junmyeon had already met, he simply didn't know.

 

_From: **X**_

_I'm glad you texted me._

 

Sehun felt like crying. He had thought he could do it, but this... was just too much all together. He tried to focus on the annoying way Junmyeon was texting with only one sentence each message, typed a quick reply and deleted it right away. What was he supposed to say?

He knew he should have just end the conversation quickly and go back home to the only man who had ever loved him. But Junmyeon, he was his soulmate. He needed to know why Junmyeon had been looking for him, needed to know if soulmates would aways find each other someway.

 

_To: **X**_

_What do you want from me?_

 

He was so screwed, Minseok would be so mad at him.

Why? Why wasn't he telling Junmyeon he already had someone in his life? Why was he giving him hope?

Sehun let his nape thump against the wall, without any strength left in his body. His phone buzzed again.

 

_From: **X**_

_I want to meet you._

 

He let his phone fall on the floor, his legs giving out too.

People were staring at him while going in and out the changing room, Sehun didn't care, he stayed there, crouched on the floor crying.

 

 

Sehun was sitting on the couch when Minseok came back, head in his hands and phone sprawled on the small table in front of him. He was so nervous, he already knew Minseok would get mad, but he didn't want to hide something from the elder again. Minseok deserved to know.

"I bought jajang. Wasn't really up for mexican again." Minseok waved the little plastic bag in his hands and only then noticed Sehun's shoulders sagging over the table, a clear sign something was up.

He immediately dropped the plastic bag. "What happened?"

During the day, Sehun had this conversation going on in his mind thousands times. He came up with all the possible set-ups and all of them included Minseok getting really mad. Honestly, he could take an angry Minseok, but not a disappointed Minseok, not when he was the reason for his disappointment.

He wasn't really ready when the first word left his mouth against his own will.

"I will go straight to the point."

Minseok's eyes had already turned dark. Sehun found it hard to breath when his throat was that dry and raspy. "I texted him."

Minseok dropped his head low, defeated. Everything about him was saying he expected it to happen, but the hurt in his eyes was so deep, so painful to watch, Sehun had to clutch at the armrest to keep balance.

At least he wasn't crying, Minseok was just standing there emotionless with fists clenched and bangs covering his face.

Sehun couldn't blame him, he would have truly not known how to face a similar situation in his place.

"Junmyeon?" Minseok asked in the end, with a feeble tone and eyes glued on the floor.

Sehun nodded. Everything, not only his finger, burned inside him.

"What did he say?"

The air was filled with tension, Sehun was feeling like all the strength had left his body and the silence was even worse, letting space for too many thoughts, too many misunderstandings.

He could already see Minseok's disappointed look when he finally blurted out a low "He wants to see me."

Minseok closed his eyes, breathed out, then kneeled to pick up the messy take-out discarded on the floor. All his features appeared tensed, mouth shut in a thin line, eyes blinking furiously.

Sehun didn't want to say anything unnecessary, he knew Minseok needed time to take the news, he wouldn't push him in any way. So he just watched his boyfriend move slowly, incredibly slow until he was sitting on the armrest, not too far from him, not close enough either.

It took Minseok another minute or two to speak again and Sehun could see how nervous he was, how bad he was trying to restrain every word and action.

"And you... said you wouldn't. Right?"

Never in his life had Minseok shown his possessive side, nor had forced any decision on Sehun. But now... his boyfriend was looking at him like he was desperately waiting for specific words, he only wanted to hear that answer, he wouldn't accept any other. Minseok was holding on one only hope and Sehun was about to shred his trust.

"I..."

"Right?" Asked Minseok again, a bit louder, more insistent.

His lips were slightly trembling, his hands too and Sehun recognized the way his eyes were growing thinner as seconds passed and the realization of Sehun's silence hit him right.

Sehun sighed and reached for his arm to calm him down, to calm himself down.

"Seokie" He rarely called him like that, usually when Minseok needed more appreciation than usual. "I need to see him too."

And there Minseok jerked away slapping his hands off of him. His eyes, his usual magnetic and sharp eyes were now filled with anger and betrayal. He stood up and paced the living room back and forth, clenching and unclenching his fists, kicking the table, swearing under his breath. He looked so pissed Sehun felt his heart rip in two, cold sweat started falling down his neck when he tried to stand from the couch but the elder glared at him cold and distant, an ugly grimace on his lips, almost as he was disgusted with Sehun.

Minseok's voice was shaky when he began to speak again, eyes focused everywhere but on Sehun.

"Of course you need to see him. After all I was the only one fighting for this relationship, we can stop pretending you really thought there could be an _us_."

The sentence hit Sehun like a slap. Blood rushed to his face, he barely managed to suppress an hiccup and his heart was racing so fast he was afraid he could faint anytime.

Minseok couldn't be serious. The boy had hinted at the matter a few times, but always apologized and said that he knew Sehun cared for him, and that it was his insecurity speaking. But now.. his face, the tough stare, the way he wasn't avoiding Sehun's gaze. He was telling the truth, he really thought that.

Sehun brought a hand on his neck, something thick and heavy was blocking every word, he gaped hearing Minseok's speech all over again in his mind, realizing how everything he had always believed was a lie. They weren't happy, they loved each other but they weren't happy.

And that was why he needed to meet Junmyeon.

"Booh, Minseokie hyung isn't my soulmate" The elder continued "we can't be together because my fucking finger says so. And of course I trust my finger more than my four years old boyfriend. He says he loves me? Bullshit, we all know love is for soulmates only."

Minseok was slightly breathless. Sehun was devastated. How could he talk to him like that? How could Minseok really question Sehun's love after all they have gone through together?

It hurt, it hurt that his boyfriend didn't think he care, that he didn't trust him enough to go to the meeting. Suddenly all the things unsaid were coming to the surface in full force and no one was really ready to face the truth.

He wanted to say something, to assure Minseok he really loved him, that he only wanted him and that meeting Junmyeon wouldn't have changed anything. He needed to meet him because he didn't want to live in an eternal 'what if', he wanted to prove Minseok that some stupid name on their finger couldn't decide for them. He needed to make sure because he himself was scared to hell to lose Minseok to someone else.

They were scared and continuously reminded they weren't soulmates, but it didn't have to mean they couldn't be together.

"Just because I want to meet him, it doesn't mean I don't want to be with you." Sehun finally found his voice again.

"Then why? Why? Am I not enough? Do you need to keep an open door just in case it doesn't work?"

Minseok was spitting those awful sentences with spite and Sehun knew he was just mad and probably regretting every single words, but he was being unfair and mean and Sehun's heart was about to shatter in thousands pieces.

"Stop..."

The elder rubbed his temples, swore again, kicked the door again.

"Stop that!"

Sehun shot up from the couch and grabbed Minseok for the collar, tears threatening to fall, voice quivering but looking straight into his eyes to let him see how serious he was. He clutched at the fabric upon his heart, felt his chest burn and ache so, so bad.

"Shit, Minseok I love you, okay? But I still need to see him." He swallowed, waited for Minseok to calm a bit, kept silent till he knew his boyfriend could take it. "It's something that has been killing me for months now, please try to understand. I need to do this for us, and for me."

Minseok opened his mouth, about to retort back but Sehun was quicker. "And there's nothing you can say to make me change my mind. I'll go and meet Junmyeon, either you like it or not."

There was silence for a few seconds, before Minseok wrestled out of Sehun's grip and walked off to their room, shutting the door loudly behind his back.

Loud noises came from behind the door, the noise of something falling, something rattling on the floor, even the low murmur of Minseok's swearing.

Sehun was tired and sad and his head was pulsing and his heart was throbbing in pain. He had to sit back and hold onto the couch, too many thoughts, too many words spinning in his mind.

Minseok was still venting his rage on the many objects inside their room and Sehun was feeling nauseous and weak. He was a bit mad too, he had hoped the elder to take it better, to at least try and understand him, but he had only made Sehun feel guiltier and like he was doing the biggest mistake of his life.

Sehun buried his face into his hands, took long breaths, tried to isolate from the noises of Minseok doing whatever he was doing.

It didn't work, he still felt like shit.

He even considered texting Junmyeon, just to see if it could make him feel a little better.

Finally the door from his bedroom cracked open and even if Minseok had locked himself for just a couple of minutes, seeing his shape standing in front of him made Sehun sigh in relief. Until he noticed there was a big backpack on Minseok shoulder, a jumper sleeve hanging off the main pocket.

He widened his eyes and gasped in shock, hands grasping the armrest. His lips began to tremble again, his eyelids too.

Minseok was avoiding his eyes, looking down in shame. He didn't say anything and just walked slowly towards the entrance, almost like he was waiting for Sehun to stop him. And he did.

"Are you leaving me?"

Even just saying those words hurt more than Sehun had ever expected. He was too shocked to cry, too shocked to formulate a logical sentence. All he knew was that Minseok was running away from him and Sehun had to do something to prevent it.

"Mins.. hyung? Why the bag? Are you leaving?" He wanted to run up to him but his legs wouldn't move.

"I just-" Minseok sighed, exhausted. "I need some time for myself."

"What does it mean? When are you coming back?"

Sehun tried to stand up but his knees wobbled. Minseok had his hands on the door knob already.

"I need to figure out a few things."

That was his chance, the last chance Sehun had to fix the situation, to make his love go back to him. But.. how? He really needed to meet Junmyeon, he couldn't promise the only thing Minseok wanted to hear.

He was panicking and the room was spinning, Minseok had opened the door and a million scenes passed through Sehun's mind.

He and Minseok. Minseok and him.

He needed..

He needed..

"Kim Minseok I swear if you leave right now-"

 But Minseok was gone already.

 

 

"I have a surprise!"

"Hm?"

"You got the promotion. Congratulation!"

Sehun blinked and stared at Soonkyu with nothing but indifference. The girl quickly catch the hint and stole the Brandy bottle from Sehun hands, pouring a small shot and pushing it towards the guy.

"You got the promotion but there's something else, right?"

At that point, Sehun didn't even bother to hide it.

"He's left."

"Who? Minseok?"

"It's been three days and he hasn't come back yet."

"Did you..?"

"No."

Soonkyu touched Sehun's arm to comfort him.

"Then I'm sure he'll be back in no time."

Sehun nodded, not quite sure but Soonkyu didn't need to know all the details. He hadn't texted Minseok and Minseok hadn't texted him. Sehun was nervous enough for his meeting the next day and he wanted to give his boyfriend the space he claimed to need. But still the days were passing slowly and the emptiness in his apartment was crushing him.

He missed Minseok every second of his life.

"Thank you noona, for the promotion."

"He would be proud of you."

Sehun smiled, bitterly. "You're right, he would be proud of me."

 

 

His palms were sweaty and his legs glued to the ground.

He hadn't been able to sleep that night, thoughts of both Minseok and Junmyeon invading his mind but the adrenaline running through his body was enough to keep him wide awake.

Before stepping out home Sehun had even taken out his phone and stared at it hesitant, a new message from Junmyeon was reminding him they were bound to meet in an hour, but all he cared for was that Minseok wasn't with him in this and he didn't think he was strong enough to face it alone. His fingers had ghosted over the keyboard for a minute, trying to figure out if it would be okay to text Minseok that he was about to meet his soulmate, that he was scared and he wanted him beside. In the end he'd decided not to do it, swallowing the big lump in his throat and calling himself a selfish.

And there he was, on the other side of the meeting place, unable to walk closer, only a one way road separating him with the person he was fated to meet, to love.

Sehun had spent so many hours observing his ring finger react to the thought of Junmyeon, it was amazing and weird and somehow thrilling, that he only got even more worried.

A bolt run through is finger suddenly and Sehun jumped out of surprise. Damn he was close.

The usual burn was nothing like the intense spark buzzing in his whole hand in that moment, a strange feeling pulling him towards the other side of the street where Sehun knew he would meet Junmyeon, his soulmate. The spark had started to ache a bit, was growing insistent, eager, demanding, trying to drag Sehun and seizing his wrist first, then his arm. It hurt a bit, but not painfully, that kind of hurt you feel when you really want something.

"Please." He whispered under his breath, scared of the intensity of his will. He didn't even know how he would recognize Junmyeon but he needed to see him, he wanted to see him and feel him.

Never in his dreams he had thought he could feel like this for someone, perceiving that connection meters apart, sensing every inch of his body crave for the other. It felt new and right, it felt dangerous and exciting and it left no space for anything else.

Sehun sighed and took a step forward. He was feeling kind of choked, his shoulder sagging a bit, his tongue thick in his mouth.

He looked left and right before crossing the road and the instant he lift his eyes on the other side he saw him.

There was no other way to describe it, his eyes landed on a stranger on the sidewalk and every cells of his body knew it was Junmyeon. He immediately halted in his steps and held his breath.

The feeling was overwhelming, the burn in his finger barely perceiving when every bone seemed to be crushing under the force of Junmyeon's presence. The guy looked a bit older than him, standing on the edge of the sidewalk scanning the crowd for (probably) him.

It made Sehun's heart clench. His soulmate, that was his soulmate.

Junmyeon seemed just as nervous as Sehun, glancing in every way to spot his target and rubbing his palms on his jeans. He looked... gorgeous, honestly. Like, really gorgeous, the kind of person Sehun would fall easily for. Sehun tried to imagine a life where Junmyeon had found him before Minseok happened, they were similar in some ways, their height, style, the way Junmyeon was fixing his hair out of nervousness.

He shook his head. No, he didn't love Minseok because he reminded Sehun of his soulmate.

He tightened the scarf around his face, Minseok's scarf he had stolen that morning to feel the boy closer, inhaled the familiar scent. God, how he wished Minseok was there with him.

Another rush of adrenaline hit him hard and his finger tingle again, angry and tired to wait to be reunited with his other half. Sehun wasn't sure anymore if he'd made the right choice, his body was reacting in a way he hadn't expected and that meant Minseok would have probably felt the same with his soulmate.

And to be honest, that was the actual reason why Sehun wanted to meet Junmyeon. Days, months, years spent wondering what it felt to be with a soulmate, questions like 'would it be different? ', 'just looking at them will make us want to give up on everything else?' were tormenting him and he had to know, he needed to know how strong the connection with a soulmate was and in that case what would happen to Minseok and him?

His deepest worry was to built something with Minseok just to find out they are unable to love each other more than they loved their soulmates. He was looking at Junmyeon and feeling all these new sensations so strong and deep he had to blink a few times to be sure he wasn't crying. How could he face something like this, how could he expect Minseok to love him when the boy could love someone else with this intensity?

They weren't happy and now Sehun knew they weren't fated too.

The realization hit him so hard he had to bite the inside of his cheeks to refrain a sob. He wanted to go home, but he would still be alone and he felt like he had no right to keep Minseok with him, he loved him so much he only wanted Minseok to feel happy and loved the way he deserved and if that meant letting him go, then so be it.

Sehun was about to leave but then Junmyeon turned his way and their eyes met for the first time. In movies they always talk about fireworks and sparks but seeing your soulmate for the first time, realize they're your soulmate and be aware of the meaning behind it... it feels more like a giant wave crushing and drowning you down, it makes you feel lost and small and like your life finally has a purpose.

Junmyeon was staring at him, brows furrowed in realization and of course he was feeling the same, of course he had recognized Sehun at first sight too. The connection between them was getting thicker every passing second, Sehun could almost see an outline if he squinted his eyes, and once again it made him feel miserable, unworthy.

How could Minseok possibly want him back after Sehun had felt like this for someone else? Knowing he could feel the same with that name engraved in his own finger? Why was it so hard?

Among every person in the world, why did it have to happen to him? Why had he fallen in love with Minseok?

Wait, he...

Sehun widened his eyes, the knot down his throat untangling the tiny bit at the sudden thought.

He loved Minseok.

He was looking directly into Junmyeon's eyes and he loved Minseok.

He was being dragged towards his soulmate and he still loved his non-soulmate boyfriend.

He loved him. Damn, he still loved him.

And if he still loved Minseok that meant that maybe, maybe Minseok would still love him too.

Sehun blinked his eyes, looked at Junmyeon's now confused stare and run across the road careful to avoid any car. He knew what he had to do, finally he had all the answers.

He reached Junmyeon's spot a bit breathless, with a newfound resolve he was ready to fight for with all his power.

Junmyeon was still handsome as he had never expected, felt safe at that close distance but Sehun already belonged to someone else and not even his soulmate could change that.

"Hi."

Junmyeon had a lovely voice, his cheeks were round and rosy and maybe in another life Sehun would have loved to stare at them for hours. He looked scared too, a bit unsure on how to approach the situation but also resolute and determined. Somehow Sehun felt like he already admired the guy just looking at his persona.

Junmyeon was about to greet him properly when Sehun felt the need to blurt out everything that was on his mind. Junmyeon had reached for him first and Sehun regretted not telling he was taken already for the guy could have now expected something from him.

"I'm sorry." Sehun said in a rush, watching as confusion had its way on Junmyeon's face. "I'm sorry I wasn't honest with you."

Junmyeon furrowed his brows and opened his mouth to reply, but Sehun stopped him putting a hand on his shoulder. The gesture had them both jump in shock. It was amazing how the connection worked, making them feel at ease despite knowing each other for twenty seconds.

"Please, let me finish." Sehun was so nervous, he was glad Junmyeon let him go on without further inquiry. "You sent me that letter and since that day I couldn't stop thinking about who you are, what you mean to me and I had countless panic attacks at the sole thought of meeting you today and..."

He had to stop for a moment to catch his breath. "and you look like a really nice guy and it's incredible what I'm feeling just standing in front of you, but I need you to stop looking for me."

Sehun scanned Junmyeon's face for any trace of discomfort, but only came across surprise and maybe a hint of amusement. It gave him the strength to continue.

"I'm sorry if you expected something from me but I already have someone in my life and I now know there's no one else in the world I love more than him. So, thank you for your effort, but today I only came to tell you this."

Sehun felt the weight on his shoulders slip away as every words came out of his mouth. His body was screaming he would regret his decision, but his heart was thumping fast and content. He felt good, Sehun felt happy and light and proud of himself.

Junmyeon's face was gleaming despite the cloudy sky, his eyes were vivid and sparkling. He sighed like all the tension had suddenly left his body, wiped his front and showed a timid smile.

"Sehun," Hearing his name being called by Junmyeon made Sehun's heart jump in his chest, but he didn't give it much credit, they were soulmate after all. "That's... amazing."

Now was Sehun's turn to be confused.

"Really, this is such a relief. I can't believe it."

Sehun must have looked puzzled because Junmyeon let out a chuckle and turned back smiling bright. Only then the younger noticed Junmyeon wasn't alone, he had been so focused on the boy and all the feelings mixing inside him that he completely lost track of everything surrounding them.

A few steps behind Junmyeon, stood a young guy with a black beanie and kittenish lips. He was looking at the scene in a daze, his eyebrows curving downwards almost as if he felt guilty about something.

Junmyeon placed a hand on the lower back of this guy and pushed him closer to Sehun.

"I want to introduce you Jongdae, my husband."

Sehun almost choked on his spit. "Your- ?"

The couple laughed at his loss for words, then Junmyeon let his hand slide into Jongdae's with a natural gesture that almost made Sehun want to avert his eyes.

"This is why I asked to meet you, Sehun. I saw you at the restaurant and before that I didn't think we could possibly meet in such a random way. I thought that you may be looking for me and I felt, well, bad and I decided that it would be better to meet you as soon as possible."

Everything was falling into pieces. Sehun had expected to feel jealous but he was actually only relieved, maybe a bit curious of how they had come to this point.

"But this," Junmyeon continued. "this is perfect! I even wrote a speech for you, I thought about all the possible scenarios but this goes over any expectation. Isn't it amazing?" He asked both Sehun and his husband looking back and forth between them.

Sehun took his time to calm down his heart, he was safe now, the worst had passed and everything had turned out for the best. Minseok would have mocked him for weeks if only he had been there with him. He felt the urge to text him, but Jongdae's voice interrupted his thoughts.

"I think you two have a lot to talk about and I have a few errands to run, be back in an hour, okay?"

Junmyeon nodded and kissed his hand softly. They exchanged a look for a few seconds, Sehun didn't want to intrude in their space but he immediately recognized something in the way they were staring at each other.

Junmyeon had his brows slightly lifted up, almost like he was trying to assure Jongdae everything would be alright. The other then showed a timid smile, somehow sad, somehow understanding.

Sehun lowered his head. They weren't any different from Minseok and him, they were scared and struggling too, they needed reassurance too. They were married and had probably discussed about it more, but it didn't mean it was easier. Jongdae still looked conflicted, probably unhappy to let his husband alone with his soulmate and Sehun wondered for a moment if Minseok would have agreed to go with him too if only they had talked more.

"So?" Junmyeon asked when Jongdae eventually left. "Are you up for coffee?"

 

It wasn't really awkward like Sehun had thought it would be.

The connection between them was still strong, but with time Sehun found it easier to focus on the world around him and not on how much his finger wanted to reach out and touch the guy.

Junmyeon had bought an americano for them both, laughing at the tremendous amount of sugar Sehun was used to put in his coffee. He, on the other hand, had taken it unsweetened and with double shot, just like Minseok liked it.

Junmyeon sipped from his cup and smacked his lips together.

"Tell me something about you."

_An ice breaker_ , Sehun thought, _probably a moodsetter too_.

He wasn't shy, but being alone with his married soulmate wasn't exactly what he called an entertainment. He stirred in his chair and cleared his voice.

"I work at Moonlight restaurant, but you already know."

Junmyeon smiled. "Go on."

"Uhm. I don't know what I am supposed to say? I like Mexican food, that kind of things?"

"Aah! Jongdae loves Mexican too."

Sehun coughed nervously. "I used to take dance lessons, I like to spend my weekends at home and they say I whine a lot."

The other was now staring at him with a curious glint, elbow propped on the table and a hand supporting his chin. Sehun only briefly looked into his eyes to know they were thinking the same.

"You and Jongdae have a lot in common."

Sehun gulped down another shot of coffee.

"You and Minseok too."

"Minseok? Is that his name?"

He lowered his head and nodded.

"We're not them, Sehun." Junmyeon started to trace some invisible lines on the edge of his cup. "You don't love Minseok because he's similar to me. And I don't love Jongdae because he's similar to you. You know that, right?"

Did he know? Because he was starting to really think that was the case. Junmyeon was surely positive, but there were no doubt they had a special connection and it wasn't hard to believe they would only feel attracted by people similar to their soulmate. He started to question if Minseok's soulmate would also be similar to him.

"Hey." Junmyeon said trying to catch Sehun's attention. He extended a hand and touched Sehun's wrist. "I know what you're going through. I've been there Sehun, I  know how it feels when everyone stares at you like you're crazy, when you feel like every kiss could be the last and no matter how much your heart wants something, your body always reminds you that it's wrong."

Sehun had his eyes on the hand Junmyeon was still keeping on him, skin on skin, the tingle on his finger running wild at the closeness. He didn't have the courage to look at him, sure he would shed a few tears.

"I know how important the name on your finger is for you right now, it used to be for me too, not to mention for Jongdae, but I can assure you, that it's really not."

Junmyeon squeezed his arm a bit, lowered his head to look into the boy's eyes and the sincerity he found in them made Sehun feel a little better. He could trust him.

"I'm not saying it's gonna be easy, because it's not. Honestly sometimes is a real shit, whenever your finger start burn and not because of the person you love, God, that's awful and will always be. But it's gonna be better and you'll learn to cherish other moments, to give them more importance."

Junmyeon made a small break, then smiled softly. "You saw me, and still chose Minseok."

Minseok. His Minseok.

Sehun took a sip at his now cold americano.

He appreciated how Junmyeon stayed silent, letting him process their talk, getting used to the thought of an endless pain. But when he looked at the man in front of him, he didn't see pain, maybe a little tiredness, but he seemed contented with his life, he looked like he would have signed for a life of torture if that meant being with his lover. Deep inside him, Sehun knew he would have too, for Minseok.

"I love Minseok" He said in the end. "but I hate the way my body reacts to you. I know I want Minseok but every inch of my skin is trying to drag me towards you. It's like my soul is trying to tell me I'm doing a terrible mistake."

"But that's not true." Junmyeon immediately retorted. "We pretend to know how souls work, but we really don't. Can you feel your soul? Do you feel emotions and just think 'ah yeah, it must be my soul'?"

Sehun was left speechless for a moment, he scrunched his nose a little confused. Of course he didn't know that, souls weren't material, you couldn't just touch a soul.

"But," Sehun thought about it. He felt Junmyeon's hand sliding up his arm, finding his chest and resting there where his heart was beating.

"We know nothing about souls, but we know everything about hearts. You know your heart, you feel it, you know how it works and it helps you figure out every sensation and emotion. He's talking to you too, right? What's so big about souls that people always listen to them and forget about their hearts?"

Sehun still looked a bit skeptical.

"But that's just how souls work. Soul claims what the soul─"

"Wants." Junmyeon finished the sentence. "Yes, and so does the heart. It's up to you decide which one to listen. There isn't a right choice."

He was right. Sehun had always known Minseok was the only one for him, in his heart he knew it, he felt it. But then the way his body didn't react to his presence like it did with that name on his finger, he had always let his soul get in between when he should have only cared for Minseok's well being and his happiness. Junmyeon was right in so many aspects, of course he was, he had probably gone through his same thoughts and troubles. Sehun grabbed Junmyeon's hand still on his chest, their finger made contact for the first time and it felt good, amazing, exciting, but they both knew it wasn't what they were looking for. They simultaneously tightened the grip, Sehun wanted to thank him, Junmyeon to comfort him.

 

While going back home, Sehun thought meeting Junmyeon had been the best decision.

He was smiling. He was happy.

 

 

Happiness didn't last long though.

A long shower and a tasteless meal later brought Sehun to desperately text Minseok's parents, only to make sure he was okay. And so the next day he found himself still nervous and still trembling in front of his boyfriend's former apartment where he knew he would find the boy.

Sehun rang the bell unsure of how Minseok could take the fact he had waited five days to show up, but at that point he was ready to beg just to end the infinite sadness and loneliness he felt at home.

The door cracked open just to reveal a ball of fluff sneaking out and a high pitch voice calling from the inside.

"Tan! Don't!"

Sehun was quick to catch the cat, lifting him up and petting his little head. Tan had always been a runaway, Sehun remembered the day he was officially introduced to Minseok's parents, the same day the elder had called him in shock because Tan wasn't coming back and he didn't know who else to call. Sehun had looked for the kitty for a good three hours ad when he was finally safe back at the Kim's, Minseok had kissed him fully on the lips in front of his whole family.

"Thank God, Sehun."

Minseok's sister poked out the door taking Tan into her arms and sighing in relief. They weren't really close, but Sehun knew her enough to not be uncomfortable in her presence.

"Ah I have good reflex. I see Tan hasn't changed."

"No I mean, thank God you're here. Minseok's being insufferable these days."

A half smile spread on his face. Minseok had the habit to become a bit aggressive when feeling under pressure, Sehun knew too well. But he came to learn how to deal with him in these occasions.

"Does he know I'm here?"

Minseok's sister shook her head sympathetically, letting Tan jump off her arms. "He's being in this denial phase where he thinks he doesn't want to see you. I bet it's gonna last till the moment he sees you though."

"Can I..?"

Sehun was let into the apartment with a nod, the pet already at his feet purring in content and snuggling his little head on his jeans.

"I have stuff to do, mom and dad won't be back for a couple of hours. Please refrain him from hoovering the whole apartment out of stress. Again."

Sehun snickered and waved at the girl, closing the door behind his back and taking a long breath.

He turned and saw Tan meowing lazily and padding towards Minseok's bedroom, like the cat was giving hints on where Sehun could find his owner. And in fact Minseok was in his old room, laying on the bed and fully covered with the thick duvet. He was giving the back to the entrance, but from the sniffing noise coming from there Sehun knew he wasn't asleep.

Sehun didn't really know how to approach the guy, what to say or do to convince the guy to go back home, he hadn't really planned their talk. But seeing Minseok so small and fragile, it was breaking his heart.

He took a few steps towards him and sat on the edge of the bed, hoping Minseok wouldn't freak out seeing him.

"Not on the bed Tan, only God knows how hard it is to remove your hair from the cover."

Sehun wished Minseok would just turn and look at him, he still didn't know how to announce his presence so he just kept quiet, observing the beauty on his boyfriend's face, the way he was keeping his eyes closed and his hair were so ruffled he just wanted to reach out and fix them.

Minseok threw back an arm to probably push the cat off the bed but grabbing Sehun's arm instead. He immediately opened his eyes and looked back. His face showed a bit of shock and insecurity, but never lost his beauty.

"You're not Tan."

Sehun bit his lip, suddenly feeling shy in front of his own boyfriend. Minseok wasn't giving any emotion out, staring at him more like he was being careful of every moves and words rather than being directly angry at him.

"I could be." He said a bit unsure. "If that means you're gonna pet me."

Minseok opened his mouth, then closed it, then closed his eyes too and sighed heavily.

"I can't believe this is the first thing you're telling me after almost a week."

And finally, a small smile pulled up at the corners of his mouth and Sehun felt it was easier to breathe. His boyfriend didn't look mad, more discouraged, definitely tired.

Their eyes met and Sehun felt his heart throb, quicken its pace almost as if it was yelling him to go get Minseok back. His heart, wow, his heart was burning hot for Minseok and Minseok only and Sehun forgot any name on any finger.

They stared at each other for a while, talking silently with their eyes, apologizing and forgiving because they were still fighting, still stronger than any soul. And Sehun knew, in that moment he realized how to bring Minseok back to him.

He caressed the messy covers of the bed, smiled at the memories.

"We had our first time on this bed."

Minseok snorted, lowered his eyes on the mattress. "You were a true bitch."

" _My parents aren't home_ , you don't really use this outside movies."

"I'm sorry Mr. _You-still-live-with-your-parents-?_ , you didn't reject my offer anyway."

The way they were picking at each other made Sehun laugh in relief, scooting closer and making a small move to interview their fingers together. Minseok responded right after, smoothing the back of his hand in a affectionate way.

"You were so handsome that night. Still are." Whispered Sehun, trying to bring back more memories for Minseok to remember how happy they've been.

And Minseok licked his lips and tightened the grip on Sehun's hand.

"I thought you would be my best one night stand. Didn't know you were going to be the best thing happening in my life."

They exchanged another look, full of meaning and desire and hope. Minseok furrowed his brows in that way he used to whenever he felt like crying, he looked away and coughed nervously when Sehun just kept on looking at him with no words.

_Let's go back home. Go back to me. Never leave me again._

Those were the words Sehun wanted to tell him but he found he was unable to voice any thought when his heart was pounding so fast and asking for Minseok's touch at every beat. How had he even thought a stupid name could be more important than this?

Sehun swallowed thickly, feeling guilty.

"So," Minseok flicked his tongue, eyes wandering the room casually. "He's married."

"Ah, yes."

He wasn't surprised Minseok knew, his mother had called a few times asking why Minseok had taken a week off work or simply why was he back at their home and Sehun had been completely honest with her, receiving small update about his boyfriend in return.

"I'm sorry." Said the elder squeezing his hand.

"I'm not." Another squeeze. "I swear Minseok, I was so ready to go there and tell him I didn't want to see him again, and then he told me he was married and.. I don't know, it felt good. It felt" Sehun stopped for a moment to look for the right word. "fated."

Minseok's eye twitched. He seemed confused but nodded anyway and smiled a bit.

"I'm glad to hear it. I was so worried Sehun, I couldn't sleep for days. Every time I started thinking about you my chest would clench and I felt so helpless. I thought so many times _'okay, this is it. This is the end_ '. And it hurt so bad, I didn't want to live in a world where you're not with me."

Sehun placed his head on Minseok's shoulder. He wanted to reassure the guy and find a bit of relief too.

"Then my mother told me you called her and that you'd met and in that moment I couldn't even breathe, I didn't want to listen if she was going to tell me I'd lost you. But then she said you still loved me and I.." Minseok started laughing weirdly. "I'm so lucky honestly. I'm so lucky. So so lucky I can't believe it."

The elder lifted Sehun's chin, bumped their noses together. The contact was so easy, soft and caring, Sehun felt his cheeks burn a bit, waiting for Minseok to kiss him. A kiss that never came.

"I love you Sehun. I'm never tired to tell you and I want you to always remember that no matter what your finger says, or your souls, or anyone else. I'll fight for you with all myself."

The sincerity in his words hit Sehun like an arrow, forcing him to serrate his lips and blink to stop the tears from coming out. His finger was covered with Minseok ones and he couldn't care less about anything else, he felt right, loved and as if finally he had found his place in the world. And that was next to Minseok.

Sehun felt a sob threatening to escape so he just growled a swearing and pulled Minseok closer by the collar, kissing him hard and desperate, biting into his lips, sucking into his tongue and heaving shamelessly against his mouth.

He had missed kissing Minseok. Lord, he had missed everything about Minseok, the touches, the smiles, the way the elder would pick at him for every small things, the warm hugs during the night, the honest stares and the praises.

Sehun slid his fingers through Minseok's hair, tugging at them and tilting his head to kiss him better, savouring every inch of him.

"I got the promotion" He said in between pants, out of breath for the long kiss.

Minseok latched his lips on Sehun's neck, licking a strip down the side, sucking a mark on his skin. Damn, he felt so good.

"Congratulation." Minseok emphasized his answer grabbing Sehun's shirt and pulling him down on the bed, lips colliding again and tongues swirling together in a rush of want and nostalgia. Their head started spinning a little and their hands started wandering a lot, chests were exposed, pants became too tight.

_Yes, it's perfect_. Sehun thought while the elder was sucking at his earlobe, his arms covered in shivers and Minseok's scent was so addicting he swore he would never let the guy slip from his fingers anymore.

"I love you too. I didn't get to reply before."

Minseok moaned into their kiss. "I love you. And not to ruin the mood, but I really want you to ride me now." 

"I'm not riding you in your old room at your parents' home when we have a shared flat."

"Too bad, cause that's exactly what I want you to do."

Minseok's nibbles were sweet and luring. His hands strong and agile.

And, really, Sehun had just missed him way too much to fight.

They kissed again, and again, and again and then Minseok whispered the softest _'I love you'_ into his ears.

Sehun couldn't help but give in.

 

*

*

*

 

A month later Sehun is coming back from the deadliest shift at work, tired and in need of a foot massage. He had barely started with his new job at the restaurant and still had to catch up with all his new tasks and duties as the head waiter of the Moonlight. His back was aching and his stomach grumbling.

Minseok was still up when he entered the apartment, sitting cross legged on the couch with the laptop balanced on his thighs. The boy jumped a bit when Sehun greeted him, slamming the screen shut and throwing the item on the cushions.

"You're back."

Sehun nodded with eyes closed, leant in to peck Minseok's lips. He felt so tired he just wanted a warm meal and a lot of cuddles.

"Please tell me you left something for dinner, I didn't get to eat before work."

Minseok was standing still, eyes a little unfocused, muscle tensed. He looked spaced out. Sehun waved a hand in front of his face. "Babe?"

And like that the elder snapped out of his trance. "Ah, yes! We need to celebrate your new job."

Despite the timing wasn't really right since Sehun had already been working the night for a couple of weeks now, they hadn't really had the time to celebrate in any way. Minseok was doing extra shift to catch up with the work he left behind during his week off and when Sehun wasn't sleeping, Minseok was. Their schedule weren't really matching leaving out the weekends before Sehun's shift would start.

Their social life had increased too with Baekhyun and his new mate (Sehun still hadn't got the name) trying to coax the couple out for dinner every Sunday and a lovely double date with Junmyeon and Jongdae which Minseok uncertainly agreed to go. What Sehun hadn't seen coming was for Minseok and Junmyeon to get along so well, to the point where they ended up planning a few drink-dates just the two of them.

Luckily, things between him and Minseok were going great. The elder was back home in no time and Sehun never felt so happy in his life, safe and sure of what he wanted for the future. He still got to feel his finger burn from time to time, mostly in Junmyeon presence, but he had learned to listen to his heart more and to his soul less.

"I got something for you." Minseok said rubbing his palms on the pants, a little nervous.

"Please tell me it's expensive wine. Cause I really need a drink right now."

"Just wait."

The boy run out of the room just to be back in a few seconds. Nothing in his hands, nor anywhere in sight.

"I don't see any bottle though." Sehun joked, tilting his head a bit to try and guess what could be Minseok's present. The elder was smiling in a weird way, as if he was trying to look happy when he really wasn't, a painful grimace more than a healthy beam.

Things were going fine between them but a hint of worry was still hunting Sehun down like a phantom, he couldn't help it, he cared for Minseok too much.

"You okay?" He asked turning serious. Minseok breath itched, not a good sign.

"Can you.. sit, please?" He took Sehun's hand and guided the boy towards the couch, till he was sitting at the edge of the armrest.

Sehun gulped down the knot that was starting to weight in his throat. _Please, no more angst_.

Minseok didn't really look mad, or guilty, he seemed just really nervous and his hands were sweaty and he had started to shift in his feet waiting for Sehun attention.

"So," He started, his voice a bit twisted. "a lot happened in these last months and I know we're okay now, and I love you and you love me and I'm so glad we were able to make it work."

"But?" Sehun asked feeling the tension grow in his shoulders. There always was a _but_ and he didn't like it at all.

Minseok put a finger in front of his lips. "Let me finish, if I stop I don't think I'll ever be able to tell you again."

So that was it? About voicing concerns out? Opening up?

Sehun just nodded and let his boyfriend continue, but only after reaching out and taking Minseok's hands in his. It was still sweaty and warm but it helped him relax when Minseok made no move to retract it.

"But I talked with Junmyeon, you know, one of these nights we went out and he told me about how he faced this whole non-soulmates thing and how he handled the pressure and the quarrels."

Minseok was standing in front of him so that Sehun had to lift his head to be able to see him for once. He was feeling kind of small, insecure with the way he couldn't read his boyfriend's emotions, so clueless about why Minseok was doing this now and what Junmyeon had to do with it.

Was he rethinking about it?

"While you were working, I had time to think about a lot of things and mostly about us and I came to a conclusion." Minseok swallowed visibly, Sehun followed. "I know we said we're okay, we really are. And we always say we don't mind that our names aren't on our fingers, but honestly I know you and I know myself and this is just pretending."

Sehun felt his stomach churn at those words, uneasiness spreading through every bones as Minseok went on. "And you know what? It's okay if it still bothers you that on my finger there're some chinese symbols and it bothers me _a lot_ to read Junmyeon's name on yours, a lot more now that I know he's a nice guy and I can't hate on him. We can pretend we don't care but even if our feelings are true, I still wish we could get rid of these names and see ours."

Minseok paused and looked into Sehun's eyes, for a second Sehun saw a glint of terror but maybe it was just his imagination, he was indeed terrified.

A few seconds went by, they really felt like minutes before Minseok started speaking again, letting Sehun's hand fall and moving his fringe out of his sight.

"So," He dived both hands inside his pockets. "if you let me, I'd like to put my name of your finger."

The realization hit Sehun a second too late, when Minseok had already pulled out a small velvet box and he was now kneeling in front of him.

They say when you're about to die your whole life passes in front of your eyes. Sehun was probably about do die then, because in an instant he felt every decision ever made in his life weight down on him.

Minseok was kneeling in front of him, struggling to open the lid of the box with his trembling hands and Sehun was feeling nauseous but in a _oh-fuck-he-is-proposing_ kind of way.

"Shit. Oh my God."

Suddenly Sehun found extremely hard to formulate proper words.

Minseok had finally managed to open the lid and there laid a white gold band with a single tiny stone engraved in the middle.

"Fuck Minseok, I'm only twenty six!"

The elder chuckled a bit, turned serious when he saw the panic in Sehun's eyes and couldn't understand weather his boyfriend was mad or just surprised or in the middle of a break down.

He took a breath and opened his mouth again.

"Oh Sehun ─"

"Yes! Fuck yes!"

Sehun shot up from the couch and grabbed Minseok's shirt to make him stand too. He kissed the boy quickly, tangling his arms around the boy's neck and pulling him closer so he wouldn't notice how Sehun was about to cry. He broke the kiss only to dive his face into Minseok's collarbone, feeling his legs weak and his heart flipping in joy.

"I can't believe it. I hate you, I love you so much Minseok."

Minseok was finally breathing again, he caressed the younger's hair, kissed his head, held him tighter. The ring box was still in his hand, cutting into Sehun's ribs between their bodes but no one could care less.

"I didn't even get to ask properly." They both laughed sharing another kiss.

"We're not soulmates, we're a unique couple and we need a unique story about the proposal too."

Minseok stole one last kiss before taking the ring out the box and sliding it into Sehun's finger. It felt good, a nice cool sensation contrasting the dull burn he still felt sometimes.

Sehun almost squealed holding out his hand and admiring how the band was fitting perfectly and it was just the right size to cover completely the inconvenient name under it.

"I love it. I love you."

And then Sehun looked closely and notice something on the ring, a glimmer that wasn't coming from the stone but from a incision right after it. A name, Minseok's.

"Wha ─?"

Sehun lifted his head in shock, asking Minseok silently if he was seeing right.

And the boy replied holding out his own hand and showing another similar ring, but with Sehun's name on it.

Sehun was left speechless, a wave of emotions threatening to crush him down completely but he didn't want to cry and ruin the moment, so he just swallowed back the sobs and hugged Minseok tight.

"Thank you."

Minseok pinched his cheek, kissed his nose and then his mouth.

They stayed like that for a while, giving their heart the time to calm down. Minseok kissed a line up Sehun's face, stopping right before his ear and his breath was warm and familiar when he whispered "I can't wait to see my name on your finger forever."

They both couldn't hold back their tears anymore.

 

♡


End file.
